The secret to finding true love and keeping it may just lie with you. Finding love is one thing, but knowing how to make it grow and last requires that we do certain things. A relationship is hard work and contrary to what some women think, getting a ring on the finger does not mean the relationship will last. Sometimes we sabotage our chances of finding love without actually realizing it until it is too late. Before we go any further, I want to urge you to seriously consider the following questions;
Are you sabotaging your love life?
Is there someone who is willing to love you but you wouldn’t give them the chance?
You see, not all women who are single has difficulty finding a man to love them. Some women just have a fear of being hurt, being rejected, being abandoned. When anyone tries to get close, we start imagining the worst instead of letting things flow naturally. We become so obsessed with what can go wrong that we fail to see all the things that can go right. In the end we push the man away, thus sabotaging our chances of not only finding love, but keeping love.
For my male readers, I promise to let you in on how you may be sabotaging your chance of love by letting you in on how women think. Stay tuned. Today is for the ladies like myself who have been letting our fear push great men away.
Heck, I am 38 going on 39 and I am still single. I bet some of the people who know me are thinking that something is wrong with me…hmm. You know what? They are probably right. Something is wrong with me. But, it is not what you think. Every day I meet men who look at my fingers as soon as we began to chat and ask me why I am not married. And I say, I have not found the right one as yet? And, they are like, you are probably looking for a “perfect man.” Each time I am in one of these conversations I find myself explaining that I am not looking for the perfect man. But, what I do not do is tell the truth…that I am fearful of getting too close, fearful of getting hurt, and fearful of being abandoned.
Through personal experience, observing others, reading relationship articles, and self-reflection I have come up with a few things which may be hindering women like us from finding and keeping love and what we can do to turn this around. Join me ladies, for I am seriously on a mission to ignore my fear and go for it the next time love comes around.
We Worry About the Future of the Relationship
One thing I have realized is that everything comes with a certain amount of risk, yes, even relationships. At the beginning, we may feel right for each other, but there is no guarantee that things will always work out the way we want. This awareness should not stop us from trying though. For if we do not give the relationship a shot, how would we know the outcome. Besides, even if things do not work out, we can always look back at the memories in our old age and smile. You know what they
say…it is better to have loved once than never at all. So, take each moment as it comes and enjoy it to the fullest.
We Are Uncomfortable Talking About Ourselves
Instead of having meaningful conversations, we stick to superficial conversations and do not allow others to get the true essence of who we are underneath. When you meet someone who is genuinely interested in you and the feeling is mutual, allow them to get to know the real you. Instead of making superficial jokes and trying to deflect the attention off you, tell that special someone a little more about yourself each time you have the chance to do so. If he never asks about your dreams, how you are doing, your favorite color, or what you enjoy doing for fun may be indicative that he is not interested in anything serious and you can just move on before things get complicated. But, if he shows interest in things about you, it means that he is genuinely wants the answer to the questions he asks and really wants to get to know you.
We Find it Hard to Let go of Our Past and Any Baggage We May Have
Sometimes we allow past experiences as far back as our childhood to affect how we interact and relate to others. Instead of allowing each new experience to flow and to enjoy the feelings to encompass us, we let our negative experiences take precedence over our present feelings. These negative experiences may trigger fear of abandonment and distrust, thus prevent you from finding true love.
As for me, I have decided to be brave despite my fears and give love a chance. No more running away for me. The only thing I will keep running from are cockroaches. I do not think I can ever face a roach.
We Are Afraid to Show Some Vulnerability
I know, we all try to act as if we are strong, but it is okay to let down our guard and let someone else be there for us. Most of us have gone through a painful experience. Most of us, though we act all strong, need a shoulder to lean on at some point. One way to deal with past negative experiences is by talking about them. Talking about your experiences is a sign that you have dealt with the pain, accepted what happened, and is willing to move forward. It shows that you are strong. Sometimes, talking about your experience with another human being can be scary. We want the relationship to work so we do not want to upset the other person and run them off by telling them anything that will show us in a negative light. However, not talking about something that caused us much pain does not mean that the feelings will go away.
Have you ever started a relationship and as soon as you felt as if you were in love you found yourself thinking about negative experiences you’ve had in the past? It’s as if these emotions were waiting until you were happy to pounce their ugly head. When these emotions of fear, anger, pain, or distrust arise, do not bottle them in. If you do not feel it is the right time to talk with the person you are dating, find someone you trust and talk about it.
In order to help me get over the issues I was facing, I had a long talk with my dad. This talk took me all the way back to my mother’s womb. The fact is, my dad left my mom when she was pregnant with me to migrate to another country and marry another woman. I saw my dad for the first time when I was 7 years old. By then he was like a stranger to me. I hated him. We never really had a good relationship for almost all of my life until recently I realized in order to heal I had to let go of the past, forgive, and allow him to be the father I did not have as a child. It has not been easy letting go and trusting him. But, I must say that having this new relationship with him has made me realized that love goes deeper than simply expression of words.
We Call it Quits Every Time We Get in to an Argument or Have a Misunderstanding.
While I am not advocating anyone to tolerate mistreatment in a relationship, there are some things that we can let slide. So, your partner did something you did not like and you do not handle the situation the proper way. For example, picture a scenario where he looks at or flirt with another woman. What do you do? Do you get all upset about it and curse him out then decided to leave? When you really get to the main issue, ask yourself, if it is because he looked at another woman that caused you to get upset? Or, consider if you may have felt insecure in the relationship? The way you react in a situation like this is crucial. Chances are, every man you meet is going to stare at another woman at one point or another. And if you plan to sweat it every time, you are going to sweat all of your life. So, whatever you do, do not sweat about the small stuff. Know when to let things slide.
We Have a Hard Time Apologizing
If you have done your partner wrong, apologize. Sometimes we are a little stubborn even when we know we are wrong. Failure to apologize can come off as being uncaring. Personally, if someone does me something wrong, it makes it a little easier for me to forgive them. On the other hand, I will still forgive you if you wronged me and never apologized, but I would never let you near me again.
We Find it Challenging to Forgive and Let go of the Little Offences
While some relationship issues like abuse is unforgivable, others may just be minor offences, like arriving late for a date. Do not let small grudges fester. If you must discuss it do so promptly and forget about it. Too many arguments leave us drained and affects how the other person relates and views us. Not everything you feel offended about might be worth mentioning. Know when to let things go and how to communicate with your partner when something he does or does not do affects you. Communication is key to resolving issues, bottling it up inside will only lead to major arguments later on in the relationship.
Most of us dream of having a happy and fulfilling relationship. But, sometimes we unknowingly get in our own way. If any of these points relate to you, take some time to reflect: see how you can learn from the your past experiences and make a fresh start. It is never too late to change. Even if your last relationship failed it does not mean that you will fail again. As I tell myself lately, give love a chance before you squish it.
Thank you for stopping by; leave your comments below. I’d really love to hear what has been stopping you from finding true love and keeping it.