single mom

Being Single: What is the Alternative?

 

Being Single: What is the Alternative?

 

When I was growing up, I envisioned myself married by the age of 25. I imagined a handsome dude on a horse and all the fairy tale trappings in the mix. Nevertheless, looking back to that time, I realized that the romance books I read in my teen years fooled me. A relationship does not just happen; it takes hard work and commitment from both partners. In addition, even if you love a person, it does not automatically mean that the person will love you back. Today, I am single and like other single people (men and women) I question the alternative to being single.

Being Single: A Single Woman’s Perspective

By the time I hit twenty years of age, I realized that I was living a dream, thinking some prince charming was going

Being single is not a crime
A single person can have an enjoyable life, too

to sweep me off my feet. At first, I felt jealous when I saw couples walking the streets and displaying their affection for each other. I imagined that their life was all happiness and did not even imagine what took place behind closed doors: at least, not until I experienced being in a relationship myself.

I slowly became aware that being in a relationship was not a bed of roses. My personal experiences with being in a relationship were both good and bad. Those times when we did fun things and simply enjoyed each other’s company, even if it was just simply hanging out at home, meant a lot to me. However, the arguments, the jealousy, and having to deal with feelings of insecurity were my reasons for deciding to stay single.

By the time I hit 32 years of age, folks were asking me why I was not married. It occurred to me that they thought something was wrong with me. Heck! They were right! I had issues! After experiencing abandonment as a child and witnessing so many broken relationships, I had this fear that mine would not work out, so I always ended up doing things to mess up my own relationships. It was not that I was intentionally messing up, it was a subconscious action on my path: a destructive pattern that only came to my realization recently.

 

 

Marriages: Looking in from the Outside as a Single Woman

As a single woman, I look at other couples to see how they are faring in their marriages. Each time I see a happy couple, I wonder if they are as happy behind closed doors. I look at the few successful marriages of people who I know personally. I look on TV and I watch some of my favorite stars such as Denzel Washington and Boris Kodjoe and their wives; they seem to be in healthy marriages that can withstand the test of time. This gives me hope.

On the other hand, there are more unsuccessful marriages out there: some studies have read  have pointed to this evidence. So many people I looked up to and admired as a couple have gotten divorced or their marriages are on the rocks. This latter phenomenon is what makes me happy to be single. So many marriages fail, some as short as hours! This really makes me shake my head and think twice about wanting to get married. Check out these other blogs on why being single might be the best way to live.

What is the Alternative to Being Single

Hmm. I know not everyone has the same views about any one particular relationship status. For me, I personally love the idea of being in a long-term relationship. I believe in marriage, but only if both partners are truly aware and ready to make things work, despite the challenges which may ensue.

Marriage is good for building strong families. We need healthy marriages in order to nurture our children and set a positive example for them. I believe that if our children live in healthy environments, their chances of emulating what they have learned will be higher.

As a single mother of two, I try my best to teach my children that although I am not married, that getting married and being in a healthy marriage is what I would have chosen for them. I know sometimes, it may be easy for us to get bitter because things did not work out for us, but it is not fair for us to allow our children to see just one side of our story. We still need to take the responsibility of teaching them the alternative to the choices that we made so they can make better decisions when they grow up.

I believe that people, both male and female, should take their time and enjoy their life while building healthy relationships. It seems as if many of us want to get married for the wrong reasons and perhaps, this is the reason why so many marriages fail. Some people feel lonely and always need someone in their lives so they are always changing relationships. Instead, of following this pattern, I prefer to be single and work on the issues I mentioned above. I want to be in a relationship, but not for the money or for the fear of being alone. When I decide to get married, it would be because I am in love with that person and the person feels the same way.

Therefore, the alternative for me is enjoying my life as a single woman until such time that I find the right person who genuinely wants to be with me. Moreover, for those who have the belief that being single means being lonely or that the person has a fault, think again. Some people are single because they refuse to settle.

Any single or married person, male or female, who wants to share their perspective on this issue are welcome to do so by sharing in the comment’s section below. Thanks for stopping by!

 

Leave a Reply