From an early age, I realized that along life’s path, people are always going to get into conflict. I also realized, as long as we are alive, we are going to meet people who will do or say things, which cause us pain. Acknowledging the reality of pain and conflict lead me to ask the following questions, “How do I deal with these unpleasant experiences?” How do I make it so that regardless to what happens in my relationships, I can pick up the pieces and move on? How do I prevent myself from constant pain? How do I deflect what happens so that it minimizes how I feel? How do l develop the courage to walk away when there is no other alternatives to the issues? How do l know when to walk away?
As I pondered on the above questions, I realized that the answers to these questions lie within me all along. There was a time when I did not know how to cope when something went wrong in my relationships. It would take me months to adjust and start moving forward. After becoming more experienced in dating and relationships, I realized that I could control my feelings of being powerless to powerful by shifting my perspective.
Powerless vs. Powerful
In dating and relationships, we often behave as if we have no power. When l use the word power, I am not talking about bossing anyone around. I am talking about power in the sense of controlling how we react to situations and speaking up for ourselves. I am talking about, having the courage to pick up the pieces and move on, if that is what we need to do to find happiness.
In this form of powerlessness, we think that when we love someone we should allow that person to treat us in ways we know are wrong. So many of us are aware of how good relationships work, yet, we feel so powerless to act in situations that warrant us to take action. Read 6 Things to Remember When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough.
If you are in a situation where you feel powerless, I am here to remind you that you can take back your power by shifting your perspective. You do not need to drag or stay submerged in all that pain, waiting for someone to pull you out. As cruel as it sounds, the people we love the most are often the ones to hurt us the most, simply because of the way we feel about them. Moreover, if you are waiting on the person whom you gave your power to help you out of your situation, you will be waiting for a long time.
Use Conscious Effort
Okay, snap! Get out of all that pain right now! I bet you are thinking it is easier to say than to do. Yes! You are right. It is never easy to get pass the pain caused by a broken relationship; however, it is quite possible if you learn to put things in to perspective. You see, at the time when we are experiencing a difficult situation, we forget everything else. Sometimes, we forget that, outside of what is happening, life goes on. We also forget we can look at things from a different perspective and give less significance to the situation. By giving less significance, we strip away the brick walls, the darkness, and the hopelessness. In doing so we see the situation for what it is. We also see the person for who they are and, we realize they are only as powerful as we make them. . .Listen to Mariah Carey’s Through The Rain
By shifting your perspective, you need to start telling yourself it is not okay to be in a relationship, which makes you unhappy more than it makes you happy. Also, remind yourself people can only have power over us, if we allow them that privilege. As long as you are alive, challenging situations are going to happen, but you can overcome these challenges, if you look at things with new perspective…if you are willing to make the effort. In relationships, if there is no interest on either side to deal with the issues, you have to love yourself and know when it is time to walk away.
The Struggle: Powerless vs. Powerful
Getting out of a broken relationship is challenging. At first, your mind will try to trick you into believing that you cannot move on. Ask Mike #2: Why Women Go Back To Men Who Are Bad For Them.: to all my male readers, the same question can be asked about men and why they go back to women who are bad for them. I am also certain that the same responses, found in that link above, are likely applicable.
You will reflect on the past…all the good times. You will think about what can possibly be, and you might feel a crippling fear…as if you are going to die…this is the point where some us quit and choose the pain of being over the pain of leaving. In order to get pass this point, tell yourself “I can do this” and “there is life after this.” You have to tell yourself that you are okay. Keep telling yourself you have the strength to leave or remove yourself from the painful situation. Imagine yourself surrounded by smiling faces and people who love you. Imagine yourself in another time, happy…fulfilled, and pain-free. Imagine a bright future before you.
Having done all this self-reassurance, it is crucial that you follow through by ceasing all contact with the person who hurt you. The aim is not to punish or spite the other person, but to allow you to regain some strength; at least, until you no longer feel as traumatized. If you keep in contact with the person whom you are trying to break free, you will not get pass the pain. You have to be able to resist the temptation to contact them or respond to any of their calls, or texts. Let go! Let go!
The Relief: Regaining Power
As the time passes, you will still feel the pain, but it would have lessened to the extent where you can think rationally. You will feel your strength coming back. You will know you are recovering when you are eating better, sleeping better, taking care of yourself, and surrounding yourself with the people who love you. If you are consistent with the no contact, you will be well on the way to healing, after one month. There will be times when you will feel sad and that is okay: Just remember to keep that new perspective; people are as powerful as we make them, and no situation is too challenging to overcome. Remember to focus on you!
Shifting one’s perspective is not just applicable to personal relationships. Finding a new way of looking at a situation is a necessity if one is to be successful in life. For, if we find one method of doing things unsuccessful, we ought not to give up, but to take time to view the situation from different angles. As you go through life, you are going to realize that while you need the help of others to move forward, the final decision will need to come from you.
Finally, do not be afraid to let go of the things that serve no purpose in your life. You have one earthly life to live and regardless to what others do, the only accountability for what you do with your life would come from you.
Have you gone through a painful relationship, lately? If so, how did you deal with your situation? I invite you to share so that others can learn from your experience.