Find yourself is a question and answer process

How to Find Yourself and Step Up to the Next Level

How to Find Yourself and Step Up to the Next Level

If you are trying to find yourself, there is no specific road map on how to do so. However, my hope is for you to find this post helpful in helping you gain perspective in your situation. In life, we all have to deal with situations and make decisions, based on what we hope to gain from these encounters. Each day, we have to consider  what is working for us and what needs to be changed.

Many of us get lost in the things around us. Often times, we are lost and we are not even aware that we are. We keep fighting the symptoms of stress, created by issues from our jobs, our material possessions, and our relationships. Instead of searching within, treating the root cause, we point fingers and blame others for the issues in our lives.

Defining Moments: When Life Throws You a Rock

What rocks has life thrown at you? Have you lost a loved one? Have you experienced a painful separation from someone you had a relationship? Have you lost your job? Whatever it is, I hope that these happenings caused you to reflect on the meaning of challenges in your life. I hope that upon reading this it will help you to view life challenges in a different light on the road to find yourself.

When I was younger, I viewed every challenge as obstacles sent to prevent me from getting out of poverty. Each time I encountered a challenge, I thought to myself “I really do not have any luck in life.” This attitude went on for years.

Fast forward to today, I realized that challenges are not here to stop me, but to help steer me on the right path in life. For a time, things will go smooth and then all of a sudden, life will throw me a rock that shakes me out of my comfort zone. I call these moments of chaos and uncertainty, defining moments.


What are Your Specific Defining Moments?

In order to help you relate and find your defining moments, I take my experiences as an example. I hope that by reading this, something will resonate with you and help you decide exactly where you need to focus in order to find yourself.

I do not think anyone was happier than I was to wave goodbye to 2016! Three consecutive years of challenging after challenging situations, anyone would need a break! In 2014, the end of my master’s degree, I made a decision to return home to do my internship. I was working in another country and the suggestion was for me to do my internship there; however, I had already made up my mind that the best option was to go home. This decision, I believe, cost me my job; to which I have no regrets, because it was a defining moment for me. I was faced with two choices and I chose the one that was best for me.


After one problem was another… I had my issues with finding somewhere comfortable and within my budget range to live. This caused me to move about three or four times, before finding somewhere that was both comfortable and within my budget. Again, I had decisions to make.


While all of this drama was going on, I was struggling in my relationships. I had issues, as I mentioned in the blog post I wrote Being Single: What is the Alternative? Of course, I blamed everyone else but myself. That is, before I came to the realization that I was not working. I was not functioning the way I ought to be. I was letting my situations control me instead of controlling them. Again, another defining moment for me to choose whether I continue along this destructive pattern or change.


 “Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere; and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.” ~~ Unknown


Find Yourself: Stepping up on a New Level

When we encounter defining moments, they force us to make decisions. How well we move on depends, largely, on our perceptions. After all, we make decisions based on how we see things and what we deem best for ourselves.

At this point, I want you to look at your situation for what it is and not what you want it to be. Instead of blaming the other person or the situations in your life, think about how you can change your circumstances.  In order to help you understand how to make those decisions that will help you find yourself, I will relate to what I did to help change my situation. Check out tips on finding yourself at

Of all the challenges I faced, the major one was my relationship issues. I knew if I could find a way to live without stressing too much about love and relationships, my life would be more meaningful and less dramatic.


  1. Finding myself through a change of perception: In 2016 April, this website: was born; this was a result of me sitting down and reflecting on my life. I reflected on the role I played in my dysfunctional relationships. It is amazing what a little soul searching can reveal. I decided that instead of obsessing over what was not working in my relationships, I would start focusing my energy on something outside of myself. The root cause of my issue was that I looked to others to define my happiness and the way I felt about myself. Check out these interesting tips I found on how to find yourself.


  1. Finding yourself through attending other areas of your life; In order to help focus on my own life, I started to pay more attention to my spiritual life and how it related to my physical world. Instead of waking up and feeling like “awe another day again,” I woke up feeling expectant and expressing gratitude for what was good in my life. There were days when I relapsed and felt all sorry for myself, but with constant practice, we can acquire positive habits.


  1. Finding yourself is an evolving phenomenon; when I started, I really intended for it to be a sight about love and relationships. Then, I realized that things were not going as well in my relationships for me to advise anyone on the subject. I simply did not know enough to write about love. Moreover, I realized that a better plan would be to write about my experiences and help others who are going through similar situations. Here I am today, the road is not smooth, but one thing I know is that I have found a purpose. I have found myself and I am always evolving.

Today, I urge you to take the steps to finding yourself. Do not stay in the victim mode. Look at your situation from different perspectives and try to see how you can make positive changes in your life. You have a purpose to fulfill in this life, but you cannot fulfill your purpose unless you step up to the next level and find yourself.


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