Category Archives: Love & Relationships

Six Things to do for the Christmas Holidays

Six Things to do for the Christmas Holidays

Christmas Holidays are here again! Just the sound of those words fills me with joy! In this moment, I imagine the Christmas lights and decorations.

At this moment, my mind wanders to the beautifully lit streets of Cayman Brac and festive nightlife at The Greenhouse in Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas United States Virgin Islands. Hale to our visitors, and a warm welcome to St. Vincent and the Grenadines, where you can see the lovely Christmas decorations in various stores and businesses in the city, Kingstown. Next, take a road trip where you can behold the artfully designed and glittering lights at Sion Hill intersection as well as other villages across the country. Certainly, the blend of colors and lights sets off the mood for many people, including myself, at Christmas time.

Although many people in my community take the weeks leading up to Christmas day to take down everything in their houses and clean, I take this season to do things that are easy on my tiny muscles and pleasing to my sense of smell, hearing, touch, and sight. Instead of tiring yourself with all that housework, here are six things you can do to make sure you enjoy the Christmas Holidays.

Stop Making Christmas Holidays About Spending Lots of Money

Instead, make a budget of what you need. No doubt, the Christmas season can put you in the mood to splurge. This is especially so when one beholds the variety of things on sale in the different stores: from expensive personal gift items, to luxurious and eye-catching household items. Avoid catching the fever of Christmas shopping and let the atmosphere entice your five senses instead of your wallet or purse. Try not to succumb to the many gift items on sale, but do let your sense of sight, hearing, and touch be seduced by the spirit of Christmas. Enjoy the moment for what it is! ‘Tis the wonderful feeling of the Christmas Holidays!

Travel to Another Country

Highway 7, Christ Church Barbados is sparkling with lights!

Have you ever wondered what other people are doing across the world for the Christmas Holidays? Just close your eyes and simply let your imagination stretch a little further than what is often portrayed in Christmas movies. Or, go on an actual mini Christmas adventure!  Instead of spending your money on things you don’t really need, put your money to good use and take a trip to another country and have yourself a new cultural experience! If you are in Barbados, take a drive on Highway 7 in Christ Church where you will see more of the bright lights here on this blog!

Be sure to get back home before Christmas Day, if you are enjoy traditional Christmas family gatherings.

Decorate Your Living Area!

Yes! You can have a picturesque home just like what you see on TV. Recently, I visited a friend of mine and it was amazing to see how much one can do with some cheap Christmas balls, fake snowflakes, and plastic. Get your creativity on and create your own personal Christmas fairy tale!

Listen to Christmas Music!

Is there a better way to get in the Christmas mood than to listen to some real Christmas vibes? Even if you do not have snow and you have never seen Santa Claus, there are many Christmas songs from which to choose. Funny, but even the sad Christmas songs  have the power to enhance my festive energy.

Spread the Christmas Joy With Others!

Lighten up, put that beautiful smile on your face and smile at everyone you meet. If you have an exciting idea for Christmas  decoration, share it your family and friends. You never know, you might just get others to join you in the fun of decorating!Christmas holidays

Attend the Various Christmas Functions in Your Community!

Whether you are planning to attend church (to listen the story of the birth of Christ), singing Christmas Carols, or attending a Christmas dinner, make sure you do something fun.

Spreading the Christmas spirit in the city, Flow Kingstown St. Vincent & the Grenadines

Are you in St. Vincent and the Grenadines? If so, do not forget to check out  our nine mornings of Christmas celebrations at Heritage Square, Kingstown.  As early as four in the morning, people meet in the city to engage in different activities including dancing, eating, singing, and even crying competition. Our nine mornings of celebration is fraught with lots of fun and laughter. It is a Must experience, if you happen to be visiting around this time.

Do you find it hard to get out of bed? No problem, you can always check out Nine Nights of Lights: A Botanical Garden Christmas! Experience Christmas in a beautiful and tranquil setting!It is all going down here in St. Vincent from the 15th of December to the 23rd from 6pm until 9pm!

Remember, the Christmas Holidays is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus. Let sharing, love, togetherness, and charity be the things that bring you joy. Avoid over spending, over eating, and over drinking. Like with everything else, moderation is the key! Happy Holidays my friends! Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad!

Please share to help your friends get in the Christmas spirit!

How to Make The Holidays Enjoyable While Single

How to Make The Holidays Enjoyable While Single

The Christmas holidays are quickly approaching and many people are beginning to anticipate with joy or dread. If you are in the latter, then this blog is for you. When one thinks about Christmas holidays words such as love, Christ, celebrate, lights, decorations, and spending time with loved ones come to mind.

If you love the Christmas holidays, then you will know how hard it is not to feel the magic of love that is so often present in the atmosphere. For years, I have made it a Christmas tradition to spend the day with my family. However, there is that part of me that has always felt the need for someone to love and share these feelings of joy.

In addition, even though this wish of mine has not yet come through, it does not mean I cannot enjoy the Christmas Holidays.  For those women and men like me who are single, and need to catch the spirits of loving, giving and sharing, here are a few things you can do to make yourself happy for the Christmas holidays.

 

  1. Recognize The Reason For The Season

Although many people tend to be feeling carried away by the glitter and eye-catching merchandise, we ought to recognize that Christmas is a tradition celebrated by Christians for the birth of Jesus Christ. So, instead of all the crazy celebrations and spending money buying things you do not need, focus on Christ, and get yourself involved in Christmas activities and worship surrounding Christ’s birth. This ought to take your mind on the material aspect that has now become a prominent part of the holidays for the business world.

  1. Spend Time With Loved Ones

Some of us are quite comfortable being single, but there are somethings about this time of the year that cause some people to feel lonely. Some of us feel the need for sharing love with another human being at this time. If you are single, instead of spending the Christmas holidays alone, take some time to visit your loved ones or invite a few of them over.

Engage in some sort of activity including cooking, watching movies, singing or even having your mini concert or Karaoke. If you are lucky, you might just see even your uninvited neighbors in the audience.

 

  1. Treat Yourself With Something Special

If you have been working hard all year, I think it is only fair that you give yourself a treat. What is one thing that makes you happy? Consider what makes you happy and treat yourself: whether it is a visit to the spa, hair salon, a pedicure or a manicure. It could even be a massage or buying yourself something nice, something you have always wanted but have done without due to other obligations.

The same way you spend money on gifts for others, is the same way you should buy yourself a gift, not because it is Christmas but mainly because you deserve it.

Six Things To Do For The ChristmasHolidays

  1. Share/Donate To A Good Cause

If you are not working and have the time to spare, consider helping out at a charity of home for the needy. You can also donate things like food, toys, clothing, money, or anything you deem useful to others. God will surely bless you.

On Christmas day, cook up a storm and invite a few people who are not as fortunate as you are. There are people who will appreciate your kindness, so do not spare on this end. Besides, do not forget that this is the reason for the season, to share love and kindness to those around you.

Why Aren’t  We Happier During The Holidays?

  1. Watch Christmas Movies

I do not know about you, but watching Christmas movies helps to put me in the Christmas spirit. I especially love movies showing people donating, granting others their wish, being granted their wish, and taking part in Christmas activities such as church concerts and workplace Christmas parties. I just wish that some of the things I see in the movies happened in my reality.

In addition, best of all, I love to see people fall in love for the season, even if it is not reality. At least someone finds love and I get to watch and shed a few tea

rs.

 

  1. Play Your Favorite Christmas Songs

This is one of my favorite things to do at this time of the year. From Mariah Carey’s Holy Night to Luther Vandross “Every Year, Every Christmas” there is simply no Christmas without music. Perhaps, some of these songs make me realize that I am not the only single person at Christmas. Luther Vandross waited every year for someone he will never see…Love and Christmas really make a body do crazy things.

I love listening to Christmas songs while I am shopping, cooking, cleaning, or simply relaxing after a long day. What are some of your favorite Christmas songs?

 

  1. Drink A Little Wine

Science claims that a little red wine is good for the heart. While I do not over indulge, I do take a little wine just because it gives me that mellow feeling. My favorite wine is the one that taste as if it has a little sugar in it.

What is your favorite wine? Have a few sips, even if there is no one to sip with, it does not mean you cannot enjoy.

 

  1. Decorate Your Environment

I know that one does not need to decorate to celebrate the birth of Christ; however, there is something about Christmas decorations, especially the lights, just adds to the feeling of Christmas and creates a feeling of happiness.

If you cannot afford to decorate then it is okay. Nevertheless, if you can spare a little money on such, then find your favorite spot in your living room and string up a few lights and bring out that old Christmas tree. Do not worry, it does not matter how old it is, the tree makes the environment looks like Christmas in the night.

 

Whatever you do, just remember to make the most of the season because it only comes once per year. ’Tis the season to be Jolly! Come on and make yourself happy.

 

Three Unhealthy Communication Styles to Avoid

Three Unhealthy Communication Styles to Avoid

Healthy Communication is one of the keys to healthy relationships, whether intimate or social. In fact, many of our conflicts and stress come about due to poor communication between ourselves and those with whom we associate.  While communication involves speaking and listening, we also must pay close attention to our attitude when we are involved in the communication process, if we aim to be effective. Three of the attitudes that can negatively affect our relationships include, taking a blaming approach, delaying communication until we explode, and giving others the silent treatment.

 

  1. Blaming The Other Person

If you approach a discussion with another person from a blaming perspective, the chances of settling the dispute/issue will decrease; this is simply because we all tend to get on the defensive side when we feel as if someone is blaming us for something.

For example, if someone did something that offended you, rather than saying how you feel about what the person did, a blamer accuses the person of making him/her feel what he/she is feeling. Instead of telling the person, “ You make me feel hurt,” or whatever your feeling is, a healthy alternative might be to say, “I feel hurt because of what you did,” (making sure to name the behavior that they exhibited). What this none blaming approach does is that it takes out the blame and at the same time acknowledges your feelings without causing the other person to get in a defensive mode. In the end, a person who is less defensive will feel more inclined to listen to what you have to say, than one who is accused.

Six Secrets to Successful Dating  and Relationships

The same non-blaming approach goes for settling disputes in social settings. For example, as a person settling a workplace issue, it is best to approach the issue objectively rather than displaying a judgmental attitude: we are able to settle conflicts best when the middle person deals with the issue objectively or free of bias or blame.

 

  1. Keeping  Your Feelings Bottled-in Until You Explode

Then, there is the person who tries to avoid conflict by keeping it all inside. The one who explodes is often the person who almost or always feels as if he/she is on the receiving end of unacceptable treatment. Oftentimes, this person feels unappreciated in the relationship and instead of speaking up this person remains silent.

This person may tell him/herself that he/she can handle the situation and that being silent is better than speaking out and risking the chance of a full-blown argument or even worse. Instead of communicating his/her feelings with the other person, the exploder keeps tolerating whatever comes his or her way. Regardless of the spectrum the exploder falls on, there is always the build-up of emotions, which could include anger and frustration. Eventually, this person opens up, and everything this person kept bottled up inside erupts like a volcano and the sight is never pretty. A person in this situation may say and do things out of their normal character, simply because they have allowed the pressure to build over a long period before saying a word.

Waiting until one has had enough to communicate is never a healthy option. Keeping these feelings of pain, despair, frustration, and anger inside can lead to severe stress, self-harm or harming others, and ultimately diseases including high blood pressure, Diabetes, heart disease, mental illnesses, and other diseases.

Instead, of remaining silent, this person should try to address problems when the issue arises, promptly. A healthy way is to voice your feelings in a way that encourages the person you are having the issue with, to communicate. Use the strategies discussed in the blamer’s section above to help you communicate with each other from an “I am feeling” perspective rather than blaming the other person.

Click here to check out this article I found on the subject of communication for more insight on healthy ways of commuincating.

 

  1. Giving The Other Person The Silent Treatment

Of all these behaviors, my worst is the silent treatment. A person who uses silent treatment is almost like the person who explodes except that in the case of the exploder, the person may pretend all is well. When someone gives you the silent treatment, you know fully well the person is upset with you and the fact that the person ignores you might cause you emotional turmoil. Whether it is an intimate or social relationship, it is never healthy to give another person the silent treatment. If you must, take time to sort your thoughts and address the issue rather than shy away from it.

The silent treatment is never a good option for two people in an intimate relationship, at least, not if you want a future with the person whom you are subjecting to this behavior. The silent treatment can sever the emotional bond between two people. In some cases, a person who does not get his/her emotional needs met in the relationship may turn to another person who is willing to listen to them; this may lead to unfaithfulness as the person gets his/her needs met outside of the relationship.

I am a firm believer that if someone cares for you they would not cause you to suffer by giving you the silent treatment, blaming, and or exploding. Instead, a caring partner or person in general, engages in healthy communication, seeks to clarify,  and discusses issues so that those involved in the issue do not suffer unnecessary pain.

The more silent treatment or other attitudes in communicating are practiced is the less likely that the relationship will last. We often shy away from arguing but a healthy argument is better than resorting to the unhealthy communication styles discussed here, any day.

7 Habits That Prevent Women From Finding Love

7 Habits That  Prevent Women From Finding Love

The secret to finding true love and keeping it may just lie with you. Finding love is one thing, but knowing how to make it grow and last requires that we do certain things. A relationship is hard work and contrary to what some women think, getting a ring on the finger does not mean the relationship will last. Sometimes we sabotage our chances of finding love without actually realizing it until it is too late. Before we go any further, I want to urge you to seriously consider the following questions;

Are you sabotaging your love life?

Is there someone who is willing to love you but you wouldn’t give them the chance?

Love relationships, fear
Don’t over think it, just do it

You see, not all women who are single have difficulty finding a man to love them. Some women just have a fear of being hurt, being rejected, being abandoned. When anyone tries to get close, we start imagining the worse instead of letting things flow naturally. We become so obsessed with what can go wrong that we fail to see all the things that can go right. In the end we push the man away, thus sabotaging our chances of not only finding love, but keeping love.

For my male readers, I promise to let you in on how you may be sabotaging your chance of love by letting you in on how women think. Stay tuned. Today is for the ladies like myself who let our fears push great men away.

Heck, I am 38 going on 39 and I am still single. I bet some of the people who know me are thinking that something is wrong with me…hmm. You know what? They are probably right. Something is wrong with me. But, it is not what you think.   Every day I meet men who look at my fingers as soon as we began to chat and ask me why I am not married.  And I say, I have not found the right one as yet? And, they are like, you are probably looking for a “perfect man.”  Each time I am in one of these conversations I find myself explaining that I am not looking for the perfect man. But, what I do not do is tell the truth…that I am fearful of getting too close, fearful of getting hurt, and fearful of being abandoned.

 

Through personal experience, observing others, reading relationship articles, and self-reflection I have come up with a few things which may be hindering women like us from finding and keeping love and what we can do to turn this around. Join me ladies, for I am seriously on a mission to ignore my fear and go for it the next time love comes around.

  • We Worry About the Future of the Relationship

    One thing I have realized is that everything comes with a certain amount of risk, yes, even relationships. At the beginning, we may feel right for each other, but there is no guarantee that things will always work out the way we want. This awareness should not stop us from trying though. For if we do not give the relationship a shot, how would we know the outcome. Besides, even if things do not work out, we can always look back at the memories in our old age and smile. You know what they

say…it is better to have loved once than never at all. So, take each moment as it comes and enjoy it to the fullest.

  • We Are  Uncomfortable Talking About Ourselves

    Instead of having meaningful conversations, we stick to superficial conversations and  do not allow others to get the true essence of who we are underneath. When you meet someone who is genuinely interested in you and the feeling is mutual, allow them to get to know the real you. Instead of making superficial jokes and trying to deflect the attention off you, tell that special someone a little more about yourself each time you have the chance to do so. If he never asks about your dreams, how you are doing, your favorite color, or what you enjoy doing for fun may be  indicative that he is not interested in anything serious and you can just move on before things get complicated. But, if he shows interest in things about you, it means that he is genuinely wants the answer to the questions he asks and really wants to get to know you.

    SIX SECRETS TO SUCCESSFUL DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS

  • We Find it Hard to Let go of Our Past and Any Baggage We May Have

    Sometimes we allow past experiences as far back as our childhood to affect how we interact and relate to others. Instead of allowing each new experience to flow and to enjoy the feelings to encompass us, we let our negative experiences take precedence over our present feelings. These negative experiences may trigger fear of abandonment and distrust, thus prevent you from finding true love.

I feel safe enough to tell you about my insecurities
I feel safe enough to tell you about my insecurities

As for me, I have decided to be brave despite my fears and give love a chance. No more running away for me. The only thing I will keep running from are cockroaches. I do not think I can ever face a roach.

  • We Are Afraid  to Show Some Vulnerability 

    I know, we all try to act as if we are strong, but it is okay to let down our guard and let someone else be there for us. Most of us have gone through a painful experience. Most of us, though we act all strong, need a shoulder to lean on at some point. One way to deal with past negative experiences is by talking about them. Talking about your experiences is a sign that you have dealt with the pain, accepted what happened, and is willing to move forward. It shows that you are strong. Sometimes, talking about your experience with another human being can be scary. We want the relationship to work so we do not want to upset the other person and run them off by telling them anything that will show us in a negative light. However, not talking about something that caused us much pain does not mean that the feelings will go away.

Have you ever started a relationship and as soon as you felt as if you were in love you found yourself thinking about negative experiences you’ve had in the past? It’s as if these emotions were waiting until you were happy to pounce their ugly head. When these emotions of fear, anger, pain, or distrust arise, do not bottle them in. If you do not feel it is the right time to talk with the person you are dating, find someone you trust and talk about it.

In order to help me get over the issues I was facing, I had a long talk with my dad. This talk took me all the way back to my mother’s womb. The fact is, my dad left my mom when she was pregnant with me to migrate to another country and marry another woman. I saw my dad for the first time when I was 7 years old. By then he was like a stranger to me. I hated him. We never really had a good relationship for almost all of my life until recently I realized in order to heal I had to let go of the past, forgive, and allow him to be the father I did not have as a child. It has not been easy letting go and trusting him. But, I must say that having this new relationship with him has made me realized that love goes deeper than simply expression of words.

  • We  Call it Quits Every Time We Get in to an Argument or Have a Misunderstanding.

    While I am not advocating anyone to tolerate mistreatment in a relationship, there are some things that we can let slide. So, your partner did something you did not like and you do not handle the situation the proper way. For example, picture a scenario where he looks at or flirt with another woman. What do you do? Do you get all upset about it and curse him out then decided to leave? When you really get to the main issue, ask yourself,  if it is because he looked at another woman that caused you to get upset? Or, consider if you may have felt insecure in the relationship? The way you react in a situation like this is crucial. Chances are, every man you meet is going to stare at another woman at one point or another. And if you plan to sweat it every time, you are going to sweat all of your life. So, whatever you do, do not sweat about the small stuff. Know when to let things slide.

  • We Have a Hard Time Apologizing

    If you have done your partner wrong, apologize. Sometimes we are a little stubborn even when we know we are wrong. Failure to apologize can come off as being uncaring. Personally, if someone does me something wrong, it makes it a little easier for me to forgive them. On the other hand, I will still forgive you if you wronged me and never apologized, but I would never let you near me again.

  • We Find it Challenging to Forgive and Let go of the Little Offences

    While some relationship issues like abuse is unforgivable, others may just be minor offences, like arriving late for a date. Do not let small grudges fester. If you must discuss it do so promptly and forget about it. Too many arguments leave us drained and affects how the other person relates and views us. Not everything you feel offended about might be worth mentioning. Know when to let things go and how to communicate with your partner when something he does or does not do affects you. Communication is key to resolving issues, bottling it up inside will only lead to major arguments later on in the relationship.

  • CLICK HERE FOR :13-toxic-habits-that-can-prevent-you-from-finding-love-how-to-fix-the-problem

Most of us dream of having a happy and fulfilling relationship. But, sometimes we unknowingly get in our own way. If any of these points relate to you, take some time to reflect: see how you can learn from the your past experiences and  make a fresh start. It is never too late to change. Even if your last relationship failed it does not mean that you will fail again. As I tell myself lately, give love a chance before you squish it.

Thank you for stopping by; leave your comments below. I’d really love to hear what has been stopping you from finding true love and keeping it.

Six Secrets to Successful Dating and Relationships

Six Secrets to Successful Dating and Relationships

 

Are you thinking about going back into the dating game? Are you currently dating someone? Are you having issues in your relationship? What is your opinion about love, dating, and relationships? Have you found it difficult to get past the initial stages of dating?

Today I want to discuss six key aspects of dating that could help you turn your relationships around and make your experiences in dating a positive one. You see, many of us are searching for that special someone to share our lives with; however, some of us find it challenging to make even our dating successful. Below I share with you the secrets to successful dating or building relationships, which are not really secrets at all because we know these things, we just do not remember to use them in our lives.

  1. The Level of Interest in the Person You are Dating

One of the first things that you should consider when you decide to date someone is your level of interest in the person and the person’s level of interest in you.

Sometimes, we date for the wrong reasons. Some of us date for fame, physical looks, sexual intercourse, money and material convenience and so on. If you are only interested in what the person have and not the individual, then dating this person will not last. Before you decide to take your dating relationship to the next level, consider what would happen if the person loses the things that you were attracted to in the first place.

In order for dating to be successful, both individuals must have a genuine interest in each other and not just what each brings to the table. Relationships are not fairytales, it takes hard work to make it work and if there is no genuine interest in each other, neither of you will have the interest to do the work when the going gets tough.

  1. The Level of Honesty for Each Other

In order for a relationship to work, both of you need to be honest from the start. Now, I am not saying that you should tell the other person all of your dirty little secrets from day one, no. What I am saying is that both of you should be honest about what you are looking for if you were to take the dating phase to the next level. Ask your date what he or she is looking for at that time. Are you looking for a fling, a one-night stand, or a meaningful relationship? Likewise, be honest about your intentions so that both of you are on the same page.

Being honest about your intentions from the onset allows both of you to make informed decisions regarding whether you continue seeing each other or walking away before someone gets hurt. Things that last must have a good foundation to begin with and being honest with your partner is a something that you shoul practice and expect from each other. A relationship built on lies will not last.

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

 

  1. The Level of Consistency in the Dating/Relationship

When you and another person decide to date each other there must be consistency in terms of how you treat each other, the time you spend together and in your conversations. Without consistency the level of trust you have for that person will not develop.

For instance, if you are dating someone and that person tells you he/she loves you, but does not spend quality time with you because he/she always claims to be busy, your level of trust in that person will dwindle. Naturally, as your trust in that person decreases, so would your confidence in the relationship.

It is so common, in the beginning, for the two of you to spend time together; however, after you have confessed your feelings the other person might take you for granted thinking he/she has arrived. This is the point where you can become anxious because you are not feeling as his/her priority anymore. You may be tempted to lash out in anger, but hold up. Instead of lashing out, have a conversation.

If you are in a long distance relationship and it is difficult to reach the person by calling then construct a well thought out voice note letting the person know how you feel. Instead of accusing or blaming, own your feelings. Let the person know that you appreciated what you had but for some reason you are not feeling as connected, lately. Let the person know that you would like for both of you to spend some time together as you did in the beginning. Do not beg, do not plead, just state your feelings in a calm way and let them know you are looking forward to hearing from them, then allow them to get back to you. The nature of the person’s response, and/or how long they take to respond and what the person does next will help you decide if the person is interested in continuing the relationship.

Use your intuition to help you decide; a relationship should not make you cry all the time, there should be more happy moments than unhappy ones.

 

  1. The Level of Respect You Have and Show for That Person

Let us face it; we all mess up sometimes. Sometimes we say and do things that we do not mean.  Sometimes, we may not even realize we are being disrespectful, until the other person points out the problem to us. Being respectful is not just about saying things in a polite manner, it is also about you being patient with the other person when you think  you’ve been wronged you. Before accusing the person, give him/her a chance to speak and explain self. Sometimes, we may be so engulf in our own selfish needs that we do not stop to think that the person may have a genuine reason why they did not call, or did not do something we expected them to do.

Show appreciation for the things your partner does; this will encourage him/her to do better.  Try not to focus on the negatives and the next time your partner messes up, give him/her a chance to explain and simply listen before jumping to conclusions. Sometimes, because of our pasts experiences we tend to jump the gun and imagine things that are not there.

 Click Here  for some tips for women from men regarding dating

 

  1. The Level of Patience You Exercise With Each Other

Relationships take hard work in order to be successful. When I was a teen and in my twenties, I had the preconceived notion that relationships were like in the movies and romance books I have read. Later on as my relationships failed one by one, I realized that unless two people are patient with each other, the relationship would not get past the dating stage.

In the dating stage, it is easy and everything flows smoothly. However, at the first sign of a problem one partner decides to bolt without even trying to work things out. We have the mentality that the grass is always greener on the other side, but we ought not to think this way. If we keep running away when minor problems occur, we would never have a successful relationship. Chances are, the same problems you encounter in the relationship you ran away from, will be similar to the ones you encounter with the next person you run to.

Unless there is abuse or something that will harm you (mentally, physically, emotionally or otherwise), why not stop looking for the next best thing and make what you have work? As long as the two of you are committed, you will be able to overcome the hurdles that come with being in a relationship.

6 The Level Of Acceptance For Each Other

You should never try to change the person you fall in love with because it will backfire. Allow and accept the person for who they are or simply leave them and move on.

This is not to say that you would not encourage the person to improve where necessary, but not in a way that is controlling or trying to dominate for the sake of one partner feeling good about him or herself. We are all unique and we all deserve love for who we are and not what other people want us to be.

By the same token, do not allow your partner to change you into someone you don’t want to be. Before you met him/her, you had a life, you had your unique interests and hobbies. It is crucial that you do not center your entire world around your partner. While it is important to have interests in what each other does, it is also important to maintain your own interest so you have something that makes you happy outside of the relationship.

 

These tips are not just for the dating stage, but also to be practiced throughout your relationship so that you and your partner can avoid some of the biggest issues that arise when misunderstandings are not addressed as they arise. Remember “Don’t let it fester.”

Do you have anymore tips for dating and relationships? If so, please, I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.

 

Five Healthy Ways To Get Over A Breakup

 

Five Healthy Ways To Get Over A Breakup

Almost everyone I know has been through a breakup at one time or another in his or her life. While it is difficult for some people to get past a breakup, others seem to have no problem doing so. Just recently, I was reading about how the zodiac signs deal with breakup and according to the articles I read, some people take very little time to get over a lost love while others like those under the sign of Virgo takes forever. Whether you take little or no time to get over a breakup, this post is to help you gain perspective by applying a few changes to your life so that you can move on.

  1. Accept The Situation For What It Is

After a break-up, you might have the tendency to live in denial. You might even hold on to the hope of reconciling with that person. However, doing so is not healthy as it prolongs the heartbreak and the ability to move on.

Sometimes, people make up after a break up, but those are in cases where both parties involved made rash decisions in the heat of an argument and rather than sit and discuss the issues they jumped the gun and said they were finished. If the situation was not a mere argument and you did have a conversation to end things, you have no choice but to move on (for example, if you were married or in an exclusive relationship). In addition, if the person disappears without having a conversation with you then it would be in your best interest to accept that the person is no longer interested in you. This latter situation often occurs in non-committed relationships (flings, friends with benefits, new relationships etc.).

 

  1. Take The Time To Process The Breakup

After a breakup, you might either cry about it or hide your feelings. I say, it is better to cry your heart out and get on the road to recovery than to suppress your feelings only to become depressed later down the road. You may think that burying your feelings and pretending all is well is the best strategy; however, this behavior will only serve to prolong the inevitable. Whether now or later, you will need to get those emotions out; the healthier option is now than later.

If you must, go over the issues you encountered in the relationship. Reflect on your role in what took place. For example, did you take time to know the person? Did you communicate your needs in the relationship (what you expected or wanted from the partnership) from the beginning? Did you see and ignore red flags such as the person being emotionally unavailable, married, or in a committed relationship?

After you have reflected, take the lessons from it. Make a commitment to address the problems you had. Ask yourself, “how can I improve my communication skills? How can I make sure to avoid emotionally unavailable men/women in my next future date?

Checkout this article I found on Daily Mail Online 10 Steps to Heal A Boken Heart

  1. Maintain No Contact And Move On

If you were the one who initiated the breakup then it might be less painful for you; however, if the other person was the one to do so, this can make you feel devastated: especially if you had not seen it coming.

The person is finished with you and you had the talk. Everything is final. Or, they have ran off without a word and you have not gotten a response despite all your phone calls and messages the best thing to do  in either case is to move on with your life. If you keep contacting the person, it shows that you are holding hopes of getting back together and this in itself is can be very painful. The more you reach out to the person is the more they will avoid you, and it is the more you will be stuck in that painful abyss.

On the other hand, if you maintain the no contact rule, you will find that after as little as a week you will start to feel less desperate for that other person’s affection. In addition, if you keep doing the no contact, you will begin to accept things for what is and this will make you less heartbroken. From experience, I have learned that not contacting the person I was in a relationship with is the best way to get over heartbreak. If the person contacts you and you are determined to leave that person, you should never answer the person’s call. Not answering prevents you from falling back into the emotional roller coaster, which is sure to happen if you are still trying to get over that person.

 

  1. Concentrate On Building Yourself

While all of these steps are just as crucial to take after a breakup, the list would not be complete if I did not include this step. The reason why I suggest that you concentrate on yourself is because it is likely that you may suffer from low self-esteem/low self-worth, depending on the type of relationship you had, such as those of physical and emotional abuse.

Concentrate on self does not only mean to take care of your physical beauty and diet, but also to focus on the spiritual aspects of self. Some ways you can do this include meditation, yoga, listening to positive talks such as preaching of the gospel or music, traveling, joining a club, and surrounding yourself with people who love you.

Powerless to Powerful: Shifting One’s Perspective

  1. Dedicate Yourself To A Purpose

What is life without living for a reason? If you spent all your time focusing on your relationship, then you are definitely going to need something to fill that gap. And, what better way to do so than to find a cause that is worth living or dying for, and pursuing it? Find that one thing you enjoy doing and put your all into it.  Some people who believe that love cures love. While this may be true in some instances, I believe that in order to truly heal, one must take time away from intimate relationships and concentrate on healing themselves so that when the next person comes along you would be in a better place to accept and give love.

I could remember when my life fell apart, both jobwise and related to relationship. Rather than sit around and complain, I finally decided I was going to establish this blog. I started without knowing anything about blogging and website, but my passion for writing kept me going. Today along with the blogs, I also have a strong social media presence where I have been sharing my thoughts on topics pertaining to personal development. I am, by no means, where I want to be, but the very fact that I am writing has been sufficient to curb my anxiety and heal my heart. Now, I am in a much better place to accept love and to give love.

Whatever you do, DO NOT get stuck in a rot. Life is hard, but living with a broken heart is much worse. You deserve to have a beautiful relationship with someone who deserves you. All the best in life and love. Please share, like or comment below.

Six Habits To Adapt For A Less Complicated Life

 

A short video of Fort James Anitgua . Enjoy 🙂

Six Habits To Adapt For A Less Complicated Life

 

Life is not easy. However, it is up to each of us to make it as simple as possible.  I for one have a habit of thinking too much and imagining things even though they are not real. I guess my whole intention is to control everything so that I do not get hurt or disappointed. Well, for the past year, I have been working on this tendency to overthink. Here are three things that I do to help myself stay grounded

 

  1. Do not waste time engaging in pointless arguments. Accept that people are always going to have their opinions about a situation and you may not necessarily have similar views. While arguments can be healthy and lead to different levels of productivity and creativity, you have to pick your arguments carefully.

Not everything people say or do warrants a response. If the argument is going to drain you of energy and is pointless, then let it be. One such argument is a situation in which someone says something offensive to you. Even though their words might affect you, it does not mean that you need to retaliate. Sometimes, we need to look at a person’s attitude and realize that the person is the one with the problem.

 

See 28 Ways to Stop Complicationg Your Life at this link

  1. Know when to let go. Sometimes we encounter people and situations that cause us pain, but rather than letting go and moving on, we keep holding on for that which is not good for us. Some battles are just not yours to fight; as soon as you realize there is nothing you can do learn to let it go. Let go of past wrongs, forgive others of their wrongs and most of all forgive yourself and move on. Life is too short to live in misery. Seek a peaceful alternative, always.

 

12 Ways To Live Blisfully At Forty & Beyond

  1. Practice gratitude and daily prayer. Prayer takes care of your spiritual needs and helps to keep you grounded. Once your spiritual needs are met then everything else becomes secondary. Be grateful for what you have. It is easy to feel as though you lack certain things in your life and you need them in order to be happy.

 

habits for a less complicated life

However, once you learn not to attach happiness to material things, but rather to a state of inner well-being, your life will be easier. Do not focus on what you do not have; this will only intensify the feelings of unhappiness. Instead, learn to appreciate the little you have while taking steps improve your situation. The happiest people do not necessarily have material riches. The happiest people are those with a peace of mind.

 

4. Live in the moment. Worrying about tomorrow will rob you of the joy you can feel today. When tomorrow comes then you take care of tomorrow. Life is already challenging. Why waste your time worrying about what has not even occurred. Yes, it is good to have plans and to put measures in place in case of emergencies; however, you should not let this stop you from enjoying the here and now. You are not even sure you will live to see the morrow, so why worry about it.

 

  1. Be kind and loving to yourself and others. One of the things we have a difficult time doing is being kind when we are going through difficult times. However, as I have found, being kind actually helps increase your feelings of happiness. When you are less critical of yourself and others, your life becomes more relaxed. Relax. It is okay not to be perfect and to make mistakes.

 

  1. Learn how to help others without feeling burdened by their stress. As human beings, we feel for others when they are experiencing hardships. However, just because we empathize with their situation does not mean that we should allow their situation to make us feel overwhelmed. If we allow their situation to burden us then we would never be able to be of assistance. There are times when we may cry with others, but we need to remind ourselves that the only way we can be of help is to remain focused and separate our feelings from the situation.

 

 

Twelve Things To Enhance Your Facebook Experience

Twelve Things To Enhance Your Facebook Experience

Are you tired of social media, specifically Facebook? Then you might just want to read this. I could sit here and think of all the things that can make using Facebook a positive experience; however, I just decided I would only do a minimum of 12 things to enhance your Facebook experience.

  1. If you think someone is throwing words at you on Facebook, that person probably is. However, you have a choice to or not to respond. If they did not call names then you had better learn to reply without calling names. Chances are you will get the message across if the initial word were for you.

 

  1. Learn to let your silence speak. Not everything you need to have a response for; if someone replies to your comment and it affects you, let it slide. Your silence will definitely speak more than your words. Besides, if you chose to respond there is a high possibility that the person will respond. If you have energy to use up, feel free to entertain them, otherwise save your energy, it is not worth it.

 

  1. Treat Facebook like you would your home. Lock your doors, open your windows and keep the curtains down. That way you can get to observe while at the same time pretending that you have no clue what is going on. In addition, just in case some unwelcomed visitor stops by, you can always pretend that you are not there.

Click this link to check out this post: Why Do We Blame Facebook

 

  1. Do not make it a habit of texting people on Facebook unless it is necessary. Every now and again, it is a good thing to check in, privately; however, your best experience on Facebook might be to take part in non-private conversations. That way people do not feel so edgy and skeptical about responding to you.

 

  1. If the person accepted your friendship request on Facebook, they are not doing so for you to run straight to their inbox and say thank you. While we value good manners, this may not be the best thing. Please beware that some people do not believe in instant contact. Rather, some people prefer to take things slow in getting to know others. With all that is happening around us, please respect the individual‘s right not to engage with you, especially if you are a stranger.

 

  1. Do not get offended when someone does not respond to your message. The person may not have responded for whatever reason, but it is not about you, it is about them. Outside of Facebook, we all have a life. We also have those with whom we enjoy a good conversation, but there is also timing and the type of conversation.

Five Tips For Keeping Your Social Media Habits Healthy

  1. Realize that people lead other lives outside of social media. Unless it is an emergency, keep conversations short. If the person wishes to have an extended conversation, they will let you know. Some people, like me, do not enjoy long conversations on social media, hence in order to avoid a long conversation I would prefer not to answer in the first place (if I know you habitually love long chats).

 

  1. Do not let your sole purpose be to find a woman or a man on Facebook. Instead of searching desperately for love, why not join the conversation. Take part in the discussions that resonate with you and share stuff that you love so others can engage with you. Remember, Facebook is whatever you make it.

 

  1. Learn to entertain yourself on Facebook. Some people complain of boredom or of people ignoring them on social media. My suggestion to anyone who feels bored on social media is to find and share interesting and positive things. Chances are, the people who resonate with what you share will comment and join the conversation.

 

  1. If you are a woman, avoid men whose sole intention is to question you about your personal life. Relationships take time to grow. And, while we have heard of people meeting on Facebook and having great relationships, it is important to take things slowly. Get to know the person before getting too involved.

 

  1. Avoid unnecessary drama. I recall a man who messaged me on Facebook and seeing that he was born on the same date as me I responded to him. We chatted for a while then I said goodbye. Within the same day, the man was messaging me again. After I did not answer him, he proceeded to call me on Facebook messenger, to which I ignored. Then he preceded to text me to inform me that he is not a little boy. I very amazed by the way this man acted. In order to prevent future confrontations such as this I blocked him.

 

  1. Do not share people’s pictures on Facebook unless the person has some encouraging words attached to the photo. I have seen people who make it a habit to share other people’s photos. I for one feel offended when a man shares my photo, unless I have some positive words attached to the photo. Just last night I saw one Facebook user asking how they could delete her photo that one of her friends had shared. There are two things you can do, either make sure that you set your share settings to friends only, or report the photo to Facebook who will then give you further instructions as to if you want to ask the person to remove the photo, if you want to block the person…etc.

Four Things To Remember After A Storm

Four Things To Remember After A Storm

Life is one complicated heap of mess, or so it would seem for some of us who are experiencing overwhelming challenges. As I looked at the many videos on the various social media forums and news websites, I imagined how it is for those who are in the situation. A series of hurricanes including Harvey and Irma have done more destruction than I have ever seen in my time on this earth. My heart grieved for the people in the recent disaster that was Irma, who destroyed the beautiful Caribbean in a few days.

I looked in awe at the pictures of buildings that were completely destroyed passage of hurricane Irma. Most of the photos I have seen so far are from the islands of St. Martin, Barbuda, and the British Virgin Islands; however, I have listened to reports of damage from Anguilla, St. Thomas and a few other Caribbean countries. I have seen flooding in parts of the United States as Irma traveled across the land.

I was not there, but it did not stop the tears and the heartbreak  as I listened to the stories of people and what they did to survive. The sadness I felt as I watched thousands being evacuated from a place they have called home. The fear I felt for those in areas where looting and crime is alleged to have occurred. The concern I felt for those who did not have food to eat. Neither did it stop me from empathizing with persons who were in a state of worry as they tried desperately to get information about their loved ones.

I may not have been in a hurricane like Irma, but the struggle I have been through has been a personal storm of another type. The feelings of despair and hopelessness I had to deal with are like those resulting from any storm. Not to mention the discomfort and not having the resources you need to carry out the activities of daily living. The reality that I had to pick up the pieces and move on is similar to what has happened to those affected by this storm. As the reality of your situation sinks in, I urge you to consider these things:

  1. Your greatest gift is life. As long as you are alive and healthy, everything else is possible. Material things can always be replaced (I know, I had to start all over when I returned home without a job). Give thanks to the Almighty for life always. Amidst all of this destruction, I remain hopeful. Thousands of homes and the countries’ infrastructure are in complete ruins after this hurricane, yet I remain hopeful. For the persons who are very fortunate to have survived a category 5 Hurricane and lived to tell the story, I say to you that there is hope. You have life, which is the most important gift.

Managing Stress After A Hurricane

  1. In times like these, your true strength will be tested. When things are going smoothly in your lives, you might tend to feel strong and positive. However, when things happen and turn your world upside down this is when you need to have those feelings of positivity and hopefulness. In such situations as Irma has created, it is crucial that you change the way you see things. It is not what is happening or has happened to you, but rather how you respond to what is happening or has happened.

How To Rise Above Hopeless Situations

  1. As you struggle to find the meaning of this destruction, I urge you to take one day at a time. The Almighty did not build the world in one day, therefore, you will not meet the level of comfort that you once had in a day. Each day you arise, be thankful for the little you have, while taking small steps to improve the situation. Remember, some people did not make it through the storm. You have life, all else is secondary.

 

4. In all you do be kind to yourself and others. It is easy to become bitter or angry,  but do not be caught up in those feelings of selfishness.  It is okay to grieve about what has happened, however, do not get sucked in by your situation to the point where you are unable to cope.  Instead of grieving by yourself,  find ways of helping out around you.

People unite and help each other are more prosperous than people  who fight against each other. Let those of us who can, help those who are in need at this difficult time.

 

In life, so many things can happen to you, but one thing is sure…how you deal with these challenges will decide the quality of the life you live. It is either you choose to look at your circumstances and complain, or look at what is happening, accept your situation, and decide to take on the challenges before you.

How To Get Over The Fear Of  Other People’s Opinion

 

How To Get Over The Fear Of  Other People’s Opinion

One of the things that keep us back in life is fear of other people’s opinion of us. In today’s society, when one does not follow the norm, they are often the target of much criticism and scorn. As a result, many of us are afraid of being our genuine selves. Instead of doing the things we dream of doing, we become paralyze with fear of what others will think if we act on our dreams. Sadly, some of us will rather conform to the norms and go to our graves full of regret. Today, I encourage you to break free of the shackles of other people’s opinion.

 

  1. Realize That You Are Not Perfect

As an imperfect human being, you will always make mistakes. But that does not mean you should continue to live in your safe shell. The more you hide from yourself is the unhappier you would be. Are you willing to live a life of unfulfilled dreams because of how you will look if, and when you make a mistake?

People: From Whence I Came,”That was Then, This is Now”

  1. Build Your Self-Esteem

People are always going to have something to say about you. For some, this will be positive, but for others, it may be negative. Regardless to what people think of you, it does not mean you have to let what they say affect you. And even if it did, you don’t need to show them that their opinions have power over you.

One thing I have learned is that the more people realize that their opinions of you affect you is the more they would attack you. Focus on building your self-esteem/self-confindence. Be very selective in what you respond to; so that when they spew their words of hate ,you would be able to laugh it off and continue about your day. There are some comments that do not deserve a response, when you respond you are more likely to show your emotions and give them the ammunition to continue attacking you.

suggested reading: Fear of Opinions Phobia ~ it is a very insigtful article

  1. Focus Your Eyes Ahead

In pursuit of your dreams, some people will try to distract you, but pay no attention to them. Solomon in the book of Proverbs gave the instructions to ~ “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you” Proverbs 4:25 and “Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” Proverbs 4:26. For me this verse is applicable applied to daily life. You are not in competition with anyone, but yourself. Never mind what others are saying. Use your energy to focus on yourself and your purpose. Keep pushing forward and do not let what they say distract you.

 

  1. Let Criticism Be Your Motivation

It is not an easy feeling when someone criticizes us. While some people are okay with criticism, most of us feel bad when we hear our shortcomings. We may even feel demotivated by criticism and make it prevent us from going forward.  In order to get past this, learn to take others’ criticism with a grain of salt. Reflect on what they have said and see where you can improve based on what you want to achieve.

“Don’t let the fear of other’s opinion drown out your inner voice”~ Steve Jobs

Always remember that not every criticism is well meaning. Some criticism are based on envy, and even when you are good at something there are some people who will still try to pull you down. In the end, you will have to be able to use your wisdom to determine the truth of the criticism and make improvements where necessary.