Category Archives: Love & Relationships

Are You Tired of Doing Good?

Are You Tired of Doing Good?

At some point in our lives, we all get tired: especially if we habitually do things that do not seem rewarding. One such thing we get tired of is being kind, doing good and helping others. Today, I want to challenge anyone out there who has a good heart not to change because you’re not getting the recognition you think you deserve. In this post I remind you of three reasons why you should continue to do good things.

 

1. The Good You Do Comes Back To You

If you are tired of doing good here is one more thing to consider before you throw in the towel. When you help others, you always receive your reward in some way. Sometimes, things may appear as if they are going downhill; however, once you are a person that renders kindness to others, life has a way of sending people to support you. When you really need the support and do not know where the help you need may come from, the right people cross your path.  For example, for years, while I was working I was good to so many people. When things became tough for me, people I did not know while I was in my good times stepped in to offer their assistance. Here are some ideas for being kind to others.

Yes, the people you help may not always be the ones to help you back, because often times they are in no position to do so. In addition, sometimes, they are so used to taking that they turn their back on you when bad times fall on you. Nevertheless, do not lose heart because of these people…just keep sowing good seeds in different places.

 

2. You Also Benefit When You Do Good To Others

Are you feeling discouraged, because no one seems to appreciate your goodness? If so, I urge you to consider this: being kind is not just about the other person. When you help someone, the feeling of joy and satisfaction you experience is enough compensation. I could remember during my trials when I changed my perspective. Instead of being grumpy and taking out my frustrations on others, I made a commitment to be kind. To treat others the way I yearned to be treated. At first, this new behavior was challenging. I was so accustomed to retaliating that it took sometime before I could change this habit of rendering evil for evil.

When people hurt us, we can be tempted to put the blame on others, because we may not be in a position to respond in kind to those who hurt us. Always remember that how you feel is no excuse for how you treat others, even when they wrong you. Instead of retaliating, hold your peace and keep helping those who appreciate. I always believe that the reward for helping others do not come from man, it comes from the Almighty God.

3. Doing Good Is The Right Thing To Do

Being kind, doing good, helping others are the right things to do. At the end of the day, one of your goals should be to live in a peaceful environment, and this can only be possible by being kind to one another.

Do not dwell on what you have done for someone in the past: whether or not the person to whom you were kind does not show appreciation. How would you feel if you were unkind to someone? Would it worry you, or would you rest peaceful despite your actions? Your answer to that should be a guide to your actions.

Please share your views of being kind or good to others. I’d love to hear of any experiences you had with being kind to others.

Three Mistakes To Avoid During Times Of Adversity

 Three Mistakes To Avoid During Times Of Adversity

 

How do you deal with stress, challenges, or adversity?  There is no way we would and could go through life without experiencing adversity. So what do we do? Do we run each time we encounter a difficulty?  Alternatively, do we find a way to cope and to do so positively? Whether the source of our stress results from a relationship, work, social, or environmental issue, life is going to throw us challenges.

Five Things To Consider When Facing Life’s Challenges

Some of the challenges we encounter would be small, whereas some would be of a nature that threaten to overwhelm us and sap the energy out of us. When adversity comes knocking, we need to hold on to a few beliefs that will help sustain us through the process. In this post, I discuss some of the mistakes that people make when experiencing adversity. If you do not feel like reading you can always listen to the video  below for some valuable tips on dealing with adversity.

 

  1. Trying to Control The Issue

I think by now every adult, with soundness of mind, know that we are not always able to control what happens to us. Sometimes we create our own storms, and sometimes, things happen when someone outside of us failed to take responsibility.

Regardless of the cause of your situation, there

is no point trying to control a situation that has gone beyond your control. You will find that the more you fight with the problem is the more pain it causes.

When things are not the way you want, you should be able to decide if it is worth fighting for, holding on, or letting go. I say, if you have done all in your power and the situation has not changed for the better, it is time to try something new. Sometimes, the something new is taking time to reflect, giving the problem a break, or seeking an alternative where possible.

Here’s a beautiful ariticle that suggests ways in whcih you can overcome adversities.

If you cannot change your environment, you can change the way you view adversity. In addition, as you change the way you look at adversity, you will find new ways of dealing with your situation.

 

  1. Looking at Your Life Based on Your Current Circumstances

Yeah, I know everything seem hopeless right now. You are looking at your circumstances and there seems to be no end in sight. You may have been in the situation for months or even years and nothing seemed to have changed.

Think of your situation as a cloudy sky. Imagine that you woke up one morning to find it was raining and the sky covered with clouds. Nevertheless, as you go through the day, the rain stops and the cloud passes to reveal a beautiful blue sky… this is how life is. This is how your circumstances operate. If you keep the faith long enough and do what you know in our heart to be right, you will make it through whatever adversity you are facing. Moreover, you will grow through your situation.

Is there something in your life that is causing you discomfort? Is there something in your life you know you need to change? Do not wait for things to magically change, instead create a vision of what you want your life to be like and work towards that vision. Always remember, you are more than your circumstances and once you change your mindset, your circumstances will change.

  1. Letting Your Circumstances Dictate How You Treat Others

Sometimes, if we are not careful, periods of adversity can cause us to become bitter. However, you must always be cognizant that there is no room for bitterness if you want a fulfilling life. Besides, bitterness  only adds to your already challenging situation, if you let those feelings consume you.

I have found that whenever I am facing adversity it brings me more peace when I extend a helping hand to someone less fortunate. Always remember, that there are people who are in situations far worse. Today I challenge you to keep your heart soft and in a good place. Practice helping others through your pain. When you focus on helping others, you have less time to dwell on your circumstances. In addition, there is much joy to be experienced from making someone else’s day than sitting at home in the victim mode.

Please share this video to help inspire someone.

Eight Reasons Why I Love My Mother

Eight Reasons Why I Love My Mother

 

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers across the globe! As a tribute to all the mothers around the world, I decided to write this blog. As I reflect on what it means to be a mother I think of my mother. Sometimes, it is easy to see the faults our mothers, but today, I choose to look at the positive things about my mother. and the reasons why I love her.

My mom had a difficult life. She has made mistakes like many of us. She allowed life to control her instead of analyzing her situation and coming up with a plan for her life.

Today, I take a step even further, so that I can understand why my mother’s life may have turned out the way it did. I recalled my mother telling me that her mother had her when she was very young, about fifteen or sixteen years old. Her mother went to England leaving her behind with her great grandmother who raised her. My mother became a mother at the age of sixteen or so. She did not finish her senior years in school because of her pregnancy.

As I reflect on how these circumstances must have influenced my mother’s choices, I did not spend some of my teen years with my mother, but I really cannot hold any grudge against her. Why? Because she may have had her faults, but she did the best she could. I believe that a child’s earliest memories are some of the most crucial. These memories have the ability to negatively or positively impact a child’s later years in life. And so, today, I will give you some of the main things my mother did in my childhood years that has helped shaped me in to the woman I am today. I hope that if you are having conflict with your mother because of the choices she has made, that you will consider for a moment, the things she did positively.

 

  1. My Mother Worked Hard.

She always tried to make sure that we had food to eat. Sometimes, she took us to the mountain with her. I recall many times when I sat in the shade of coconut and banana trees while my mother worked in the field. When I was old enough, I helped her and she always told me thanks for doing so. And so, no matter how I did not like going to the mountain, just the thought of my mother struggling alone made me give in.

Have your pick of quotes for your mom by clicking this link.

 

  1. She Instilled These Basic Principles In Us

Do not tell lies, she expected us to tell the truth at all times.  Do not idle, whenever she sent us to do something or we went to school, she expected us to return promptly. She told us never to beg others, to be satisfied with what we had. Do not be greedy, share with others. Even if you do not have, no one needs to know your business.

 

  1. She Sent Us To Church So That We Could Know God.

My mother was not a regular church goer, but she wanted us to hear the word of God. In those days the only other means we had of hearing God’s word was via radio.  Hearing the word of God helped me to keep my faith grounded in Him. Whenever troubles came my way, I knew where to turn. Some say that people only know God when they are in trouble, but what would you have someone do when they are in crisis? Would you prefer them to continue down the path of destruction, or seek solace in the word of God? How could I forget? My mother made sure that we said our prayers every morning and every night. And if we forgot she would remind us. It did not matter if we were already dozing off to sleep, we had to say our prayers and we had to say it loud.

 

  1. She Taught Us How To Do Be Independent.

At an early age we had to do house hold task including, sowing, cooking, washing, cleaning, and ironing. Today, I always made it my duty to do those things for myself. Even when I employed a sitter for my daughter, I never included doing laundry/washing, cleaning or ironing in her duties.

 

Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled; they are the ones that never give up, dispet the struggles~Sharon Jaynes

  1. I Saw My Mother As My Friend.

Some will argue that my mother should not have confided things in me at such a young age. But, looking back, I think this is one of the best things she has ever done. Not only did she helped me decide what I did not want my life to turn out like, but also, she helped me understand her better. My mother had a hard time showing love. I cannot recall her ever hugging or kissing me. But, from our conversations, I knew that she loved us. She just did not know how to express that love.

As I listened to my mother talked about her worries, I made mental notes that when I grew up I was going to help her. The only thing that helped keep me determined in my life was that I was never going to go through what my mother went through. I guess it is because of my mother confiding her troubles in me that has helped me develop compassion for others when they are facing difficulties.

Some folks argue that a mother is not supposed to be a child’s friend, but, it depends on the context  in which we look at things. My mother’s friendship did not include the adult things in her life. I was never allowed to get involve in adult conversation or things which did not concern children. My mother knew where to draw the line.

  1. She Was Very Protective Of All Her Children.

My mother never allowed anyone to take advantage of us. She made sure to tell us never to interfere with others. But, she expected us to stand up for our right. She rebuked us when we were wrong and she defended us when we were right.

 

  1. My Mother Was  Good With Handling Money

She took her time to save and bought us the things we needed.  Every Christmas, she bought a present for us. She never wanted us to feel deprived when other children were playing with their toys so she made sure that she bought us something. It did not matter the cost of what she bought, the thought counted the most!

 

  1. Our Education Was Important.

Despite the fact that my mother did not always have money, she always found a way to send us to school. She helped us with our homework, when we did not understand and would force us to study.

She made sure that our clothes were ironed and our hair was groomed. And, it did not matter how cold the water was, we had to bathe and brush our teeth.

When I consider all the things that my mother may not have done right,  those things paled in comparison to what she did right. She did the best she could based on her circumstances and today, I can proudly say that I Love You Mom. You are the reasons why I am what I am today.

Why Seeking Revenge Is Not A Good Idea

 

 Why Seeking Revenge Is Not A Good Idea

At some point in our life, someone is going to hurt us. Sometimes, this hurt may not be of a physical nature, it might be mental or emotional pain. Nevertheless, hurt is hurt, regardless to the form in which it comes. Whenever someone hurt us, we have a natural tendency to want to seek revenge. This is especially so for someone who has experienced mental or emotional pain at the hands of another person. For example, let us say you are in a relationship and your partner cheats on you, instead of walking away or perhaps trying to salvage the relationship you decide to get even. However, this does not have to be if you look at the long-term effects of seeking revenge. I urge you to consider these three things before going down the path of seeking revenge.

 

Seeking Revenge Holds You Back

A person intent on seeking revenge has little room for self-growth. The time you should spend doing something productive you waste it by thinking up what you want to do to the other person.  You go to bed at nights, wake up in the mornings and all you can think about is how you can get back that person for what they have done to you. As a result, you never seem to move forward as you are stuck in a constant emotional or even physical battle with the other person.

Think about it… do you think it really benefits you to be wasting so much time on something that does not add value to your life? Is it worth it to keep fighting?

Seeking Revenge Prevents You From Healing

Sometimes we see people who constantly battle and we wonder why they do so, even when neither seems to get any positive results. For example, it is common to see people seeking revenge in a relationship that has ended or is on the verge of ending. One partner does something wrong and the other constantly seek ways of retaliating in order to get even.

 

A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green” Francis Bacon 

 

If you engage in constant battle with the person who wronged you, you will never heal. Instead of seeking revenge, take the time to reflect on the mistakes you have made; figure out the lessons, and how you can take what you learned to improve yourself. Do not waste time obsessing over how you can hurt the other person. In your quest to get even with the other person, you will keep your emotional wounds open.

 

There Is A Chance That You Might Get Hurt

When someone does you something wrong, that person is likely to be on the alert because he or she expects you to seek revenge. Because the person is expecting you to retaliate, he/she will be ready for whatever you are planning.

Beware, not everyone responds the same to an act of revenge. Some people may strike back, even if they did you wrong in the first instance. Thus, plotting revenge actually increases the likelihood that you will get hurt physically.

 

Final Word: learn to let go Instead of seeking to hurt the other person

Seeking revenge does not have any advantages. Even if you think there is an advantage, the consequences of revenge far exceed any advantage that there might be. The biggest problem in personal retaliation is that you not only hurt the other person, but you can also hurt yourself by exposing yourself to danger, if the other person decides to respond. You can deal with a situation in which you felt you the other person treated you unfairly by letting it go and moving on. I know this will hurt, but I can guarantee you that it would be better hurting now, for a short period, than to continually live in conflict with another person. Here is an article, Why We Should Leave Revenge To Karma, that has some helpful insights on seeking revenge and the consequences of doing so; click this link to follow.

 

How to Find Yourself and Step Up to the Next Level

How to Find Yourself and Step Up to the Next Level

If you are trying to find yourself, there is no specific road map on how to do so. However, my hope is for you to find this post helpful in helping you gain perspective in your situation. In life, we all have to deal with situations and make decisions, based on what we hope to gain from these encounters. Each day, we have to consider  what is working for us and what needs to be changed.

Many of us get lost in the things around us. Often times, we are lost and we are not even aware that we are. We keep fighting the symptoms of stress, created by issues from our jobs, our material possessions, and our relationships. Instead of searching within, treating the root cause, we point fingers and blame others for the issues in our lives.

Defining Moments: When Life Throws You a Rock

What rocks has life thrown at you? Have you lost a loved one? Have you experienced a painful separation from someone you had a relationship? Have you lost your job? Whatever it is, I hope that these happenings caused you to reflect on the meaning of challenges in your life. I hope that upon reading this it will help you to view life challenges in a different light on the road to find yourself.

When I was younger, I viewed every challenge as obstacles sent to prevent me from getting out of poverty. Each time I encountered a challenge, I thought to myself “I really do not have any luck in life.” This attitude went on for years.

Fast forward to today, I realized that challenges are not here to stop me, but to help steer me on the right path in life. For a time, things will go smooth and then all of a sudden, life will throw me a rock that shakes me out of my comfort zone. I call these moments of chaos and uncertainty, defining moments.

 

What are Your Specific Defining Moments?

In order to help you relate and find your defining moments, I take my experiences as an example. I hope that by reading this, something will resonate with you and help you decide exactly where you need to focus in order to find yourself.

I do not think anyone was happier than I was to wave goodbye to 2016! Three consecutive years of challenging after challenging situations, anyone would need a break! In 2014, the end of my master’s degree, I made a decision to return home to do my internship. I was working in another country and the suggestion was for me to do my internship there; however, I had already made up my mind that the best option was to go home. This decision, I believe, cost me my job; to which I have no regrets, because it was a defining moment for me. I was faced with two choices and I chose the one that was best for me.

 

After one problem was another… I had my issues with finding somewhere comfortable and within my budget range to live. This caused me to move about three or four times, before finding somewhere that was both comfortable and within my budget. Again, I had decisions to make.

 

While all of this drama was going on, I was struggling in my relationships. I had issues, as I mentioned in the blog post I wrote Being Single: What is the Alternative? Of course, I blamed everyone else but myself. That is, before I came to the realization that I was not working. I was not functioning the way I ought to be. I was letting my situations control me instead of controlling them. Again, another defining moment for me to choose whether I continue along this destructive pattern or change.

 

 “Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere; and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.” ~~ Unknown

 

Find Yourself: Stepping up on a New Level

When we encounter defining moments, they force us to make decisions. How well we move on depends, largely, on our perceptions. After all, we make decisions based on how we see things and what we deem best for ourselves.

At this point, I want you to look at your situation for what it is and not what you want it to be. Instead of blaming the other person or the situations in your life, think about how you can change your circumstances.  In order to help you understand how to make those decisions that will help you find yourself, I will relate to what I did to help change my situation. Check out tips on finding yourself at  Huffingtonpost.com

Of all the challenges I faced, the major one was my relationship issues. I knew if I could find a way to live without stressing too much about love and relationships, my life would be more meaningful and less dramatic.

 

  1. Finding myself through a change of perception: In 2016 April, this website: Cupidandi.com was born; this was a result of me sitting down and reflecting on my life. I reflected on the role I played in my dysfunctional relationships. It is amazing what a little soul searching can reveal. I decided that instead of obsessing over what was not working in my relationships, I would start focusing my energy on something outside of myself. The root cause of my issue was that I looked to others to define my happiness and the way I felt about myself. Check out these interesting tips I found on how to find yourself.

 

  1. Finding yourself through attending other areas of your life; In order to help focus on my own life, I started to pay more attention to my spiritual life and how it related to my physical world. Instead of waking up and feeling like “awe another day again,” I woke up feeling expectant and expressing gratitude for what was good in my life. There were days when I relapsed and felt all sorry for myself, but with constant practice, we can acquire positive habits.

 

  1. Finding yourself is an evolving phenomenon; when I started cupidandi.com, I really intended for it to be a sight about love and relationships. Then, I realized that things were not going as well in my relationships for me to advise anyone on the subject. I simply did not know enough to write about love. Moreover, I realized that a better plan would be to write about my experiences and help others who are going through similar situations. Here I am today, the road is not smooth, but one thing I know is that I have found a purpose. I have found myself and I am always evolving.

Today, I urge you to take the steps to finding yourself. Do not stay in the victim mode. Look at your situation from different perspectives and try to see how you can make positive changes in your life. You have a purpose to fulfill in this life, but you cannot fulfill your purpose unless you step up to the next level and find yourself.

 

Being Single: What is the Alternative?

 

Being Single: What is the Alternative?

 

When I was growing up, I envisioned myself married by the age of 25. I imagined a handsome dude on a horse and all the fairy tale trappings in the mix. Nevertheless, looking back to that time, I realized that the romance books I read in my teen years fooled me. A relationship does not just happen; it takes hard work and commitment from both partners. In addition, even if you love a person, it does not automatically mean that the person will love you back. Today, I am single and like other single people (men and women) I question the alternative to being single.

Being Single: A Single Woman’s Perspective

By the time I hit twenty years of age, I realized that I was living a dream, thinking some prince charming was going

Being single is not a crime
A single person can have an enjoyable life, too

to sweep me off my feet. At first, I felt jealous when I saw couples walking the streets and displaying their affection for each other. I imagined that their life was all happiness and did not even imagine what took place behind closed doors: at least, not until I experienced being in a relationship myself.

I slowly became aware that being in a relationship was not a bed of roses. My personal experiences with being in a relationship were both good and bad. Those times when we did fun things and simply enjoyed each other’s company, even if it was just simply hanging out at home, meant a lot to me. However, the arguments, the jealousy, and having to deal with feelings of insecurity were my reasons for deciding to stay single.

By the time I hit 32 years of age, folks were asking me why I was not married. It occurred to me that they thought something was wrong with me. Heck! They were right! I had issues! After experiencing abandonment as a child and witnessing so many broken relationships, I had this fear that mine would not work out, so I always ended up doing things to mess up my own relationships. It was not that I was intentionally messing up, it was a subconscious action on my path: a destructive pattern that only came to my realization recently.

 

 

Marriages: Looking in from the Outside as a Single Woman

As a single woman, I look at other couples to see how they are faring in their marriages. Each time I see a happy couple, I wonder if they are as happy behind closed doors. I look at the few successful marriages of people who I know personally. I look on TV and I watch some of my favorite stars such as Denzel Washington and Boris Kodjoe and their wives; they seem to be in healthy marriages that can withstand the test of time. This gives me hope.

On the other hand, there are more unsuccessful marriages out there: some studies have read  have pointed to this evidence. So many people I looked up to and admired as a couple have gotten divorced or their marriages are on the rocks. This latter phenomenon is what makes me happy to be single. So many marriages fail, some as short as hours! This really makes me shake my head and think twice about wanting to get married. Check out these other blogs on why being single might be the best way to live.

What is the Alternative to Being Single

Hmm. I know not everyone has the same views about any one particular relationship status. For me, I personally love the idea of being in a long-term relationship. I believe in marriage, but only if both partners are truly aware and ready to make things work, despite the challenges which may ensue.

Marriage is good for building strong families. We need healthy marriages in order to nurture our children and set a positive example for them. I believe that if our children live in healthy environments, their chances of emulating what they have learned will be higher.

As a single mother of two, I try my best to teach my children that although I am not married, that getting married and being in a healthy marriage is what I would have chosen for them. I know sometimes, it may be easy for us to get bitter because things did not work out for us, but it is not fair for us to allow our children to see just one side of our story. We still need to take the responsibility of teaching them the alternative to the choices that we made so they can make better decisions when they grow up.

I believe that people, both male and female, should take their time and enjoy their life while building healthy relationships. It seems as if many of us want to get married for the wrong reasons and perhaps, this is the reason why so many marriages fail. Some people feel lonely and always need someone in their lives so they are always changing relationships. Instead, of following this pattern, I prefer to be single and work on the issues I mentioned above. I want to be in a relationship, but not for the money or for the fear of being alone. When I decide to get married, it would be because I am in love with that person and the person feels the same way.

Therefore, the alternative for me is enjoying my life as a single woman until such time that I find the right person who genuinely wants to be with me. Moreover, for those who have the belief that being single means being lonely or that the person has a fault, think again. Some people are single because they refuse to settle.

Any single or married person, male or female, who wants to share their perspective on this issue are welcome to do so by sharing in the comment’s section below. Thanks for stopping by!

 

Why do we Cry in the Dark?

Why Do We Cry in the Dark?

As I sat and pondered this question of why people cry in the dark, it occurred to me that maybe I am just assuming things. Maybe I am the only one who sometimes cries in the dark. Or just maybe, you who are reading this at this moment, cry in the dark too.

Why Do We Cry in the Dark?

What is so special about the dark? Why don’t you see people walking around on a daily basis and cry as they smile or laugh; sometimes the laughter sounds fake but compared to crying, it is acceptable anyway. Smiling and laughing are attributed to positive emotions by society. Maybe that is the reason why a person who is smiling can be more lethal than one who is crying…because we look at the lips and get distracted, instead of looking at the eyes which often tell a person’s intention.

 

There is a Time and Place for Crying

There is a time and place for crying…this is an unspoken rule laid out by our society over generations. We don’t want to spoil the ambience by having someone cry, that is, unless there is an obvious reason, like at a wedding or graduation ceremony. And, you will even get away with crying if you are watching a sad movie, like those shown on Life Time channel.

On the flip side, crying is only acceptable in certain “bad” situations, especially when someone we love has died. Does this mean that we should leave up all our pent-up emotions and find the perfect excuse to let it out?  Like at a funeral…even if the deceased was a distant relative who never meant anything to us?

 

Crying is a Sign of Deep Emotions

Many of us walk around on a daily basis, but deep inside, we long for the freedom and guiltlessness of crying. We long to cry for different reasons; for some of us, it is because we feel frustrated by the lack of progress in our lives. We long to cry because our hearts are broken. We long to cry because we have been hiding our emotions for so long and never had the courage to let it out. We long to cry because we are tired of pretending that we don’t have our weak moments. Crying, like any other emotion, needs an outlet, but  we know if we cry in the presence of others we might be seen as weak, immature, or sensitive, so we cry in the dark. Take a read of the Fascinating Psychology  of  Emotional Release.

By no means am I a sad person, neither do I think of you as such. Like everyone else, I have my moments, which are often more happy moments than sad ones. I have a passion for life and because of my determination; many see me as being strong, even too strong. They see the outer shell like a stalk of a rose…with thorns ready to dig in if need be. But inside, I am just as sensitive as anyone else, but just don’t want to show…For one thing I have learned is that not everyone can tolerate a show of emotions. It is for this reason that I believe you cry in the dark too. We all cry in the dark, no matter how tough we are on the outside…the tougher the exterior persona, the more deep the emotions.

 

Women Crying Vs. Men Crying 

I know that some of us, especially men, have been brought up not to show emotions such as crying. Some of us were told that crying is a sign of weakness, more so, when the tears were shed by a man. On the other hand, when a woman cries, hardly anyone takes notice. But, if men are not allowed to express their themselves and get rid of pent-up emotions, what will they do with that energy? Obviously, the sneaking around, crying in the night, fearing someone will find you out is not going to help much.  Not even the media seems to support men who cry, for I searched online for a free photo of a crying man and the above image was the best I could fine. But there is hope yet, I just found this great article which can help us understand men’s tears vs women’s tears, go get a read Obamas’s Tears: The Science of Men Crying.

All the males who have been crying in the dark without any ease of your frustration, it is time to let out the loudest howl you can muster and do so in the brightness of day! Maybe if more males did this, society would finally realize our males are just as human as a woman and should be able to cry too. Don’t be afraid to cry, some of us understand that when a man is really moved to tears, it is a sign of his strength and his genuineness.

 

Oh and one more thing before I go, has anyone ever thought of the reason why men don’t like to see women cry? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments’ section below.

 

 

Powerless to Powerful: Shifting one’s Perspective

 

 

 

moving from powerless to powerful

 

From an early age, I realized that along life’s path, people are always going to get into conflict. I also realized, as long as we are alive, we are going to meet people who will do or say things, which cause us pain. Acknowledging the reality of pain and conflict lead me to ask the following questions, “How do I deal with these unpleasant experiences?” How do I make it so that regardless to what happens in my relationships, I can pick up the pieces and move on? How do I prevent myself from constant pain? How do I deflect what happens so that it minimizes how I feel? How do l develop the courage to walk away when there is no other alternatives to the issues? How do l know when to walk away?

As I pondered on the above questions, I realized that the answers to these questions lie within me all along. There was a time when I did not know how to cope when something went wrong in my relationships. It would take me months to adjust and start moving forward. After becoming more experienced in  dating and relationships, I realized that I could control my feelings of being powerless to powerful by shifting my perspective.

Powerless vs. Powerful

In dating and relationships, we often behave as if we have no power. When l use the word power, I am not talking about bossing anyone around. I am talking about power in the sense of controlling how we react to situations and speaking up for ourselves. I am talking about, having the courage to pick up the pieces and move on, if that is what we need to do to find happiness.

In this form of powerlessness, we think that when we love someone we should allow that person to treat us in ways we know are wrong. So many of us are aware of how good relationships work, yet, we feel so powerless to act in situations that warrant us to take action. Read 6 Things to Remember When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough.

If you are in a situation where you feel powerless, I am here to remind you that you can take back your power by shifting your perspective. You do not need to drag or stay submerged in all that pain, waiting for someone to pull you out. As cruel as it sounds, the people we love the most are often the ones to hurt us the most, simply because of the way we feel about them. Moreover, if you are waiting on the person whom you gave your power to help you out of your situation, you will be waiting for a long time.

Use Conscious Effort

Okay, snap! Get out of all that pain right now! I bet you are thinking it is easier to say than to do. Yes! You are right. It is never easy to get pass the pain caused by a broken relationship; however, it is quite possible if you learn to put things in to perspective. You see, at the time when we are experiencing a difficult situation, we forget everything else. Sometimes, we forget that, outside of what is happening, life goes on. We also forget we can look at things from a different perspective and give less significance to the situation. By giving less significance, we strip away the brick walls, the darkness, and the hopelessness. In doing so we see the situation for what it is. We also see the person for who they are and, we realize they are only as powerful as we make them. . .Listen to Mariah Carey’s Through The Rain 

By shifting your perspective, you need to start telling yourself it is not okay to be in a relationship, which makes you unhappy more than it makes you happy. Also, remind yourself people can only have power over us, if we allow them that privilege. As long as you are alive, challenging situations are going to happen, but you can overcome these challenges, if you look at things with new perspective…if you are willing to make the effort. In relationships, if there is no interest on either side to deal with the issues, you have to love yourself and know when it is time to walk away.

The Struggle: Powerless vs. Powerful

Getting out of a broken relationship is challenging. At first, your mind will try to trick you into believing that you cannot move on. Ask Mike #2: Why Women Go Back To Men Who Are Bad For Them.: to all my male readers, the same question can be asked about men and why they go back to women who are bad for them. I am also certain that the same responses, found in that link above, are likely applicable.

You will reflect on the past…all the good times. You will think about what can possibly be, and you might feel a crippling fear…as if you are going to die…this is the point where some us quit and choose the pain of being over the pain of leaving. In order to get pass this point, tell yourself “I can do this” and “there is life after this.” You have to tell yourself that you are okay. Keep telling yourself you have the strength to leave or remove yourself from the painful situation. Imagine yourself surrounded by smiling faces and people who love you. Imagine yourself in another time, happy…fulfilled, and pain-free. Imagine a bright future before you.

Having done all this self-reassurance, it is crucial that you follow through by ceasing all contact with the person who hurt you. The aim is not to punish or spite the other person, but to allow you to regain some strength; at least, until you no longer feel as traumatized. If you keep in contact with the person whom you are trying to break free, you will not get pass the pain. You have to be able to resist the temptation to contact them or respond to any of their calls, or texts. Let go! Let go!

The Relief: Regaining Power

As the time passes, you will still feel the pain, but it would have lessened to the extent where you can think rationally. You will feel your strength coming back. You will know you are recovering when you are eating better, sleeping better, taking care of yourself, and surrounding yourself with the people who love you. If you are consistent with the no contact, you will be well on the way to healing, after one month. There will be times when you will feel sad and that is okay: Just remember to keep that new perspective; people are as powerful as we make them, and no situation is too challenging to overcome. Remember to focus on you!

Shifting one’s perspective is not just applicable to personal relationships. Finding a new way of looking at a situation is a necessity if one is to be successful in life. For, if we find one method of doing things unsuccessful, we ought not to give up, but to take time to view the situation from different angles. As you go through life, you are going to realize that while you need the help of others to move forward, the final decision will need to come from you.

Finally, do not be afraid to let go of the things that serve no purpose in your life. You have one earthly life to live and regardless to what others do, the only accountability for what you do with your life would come from you.

Have you gone through a painful relationship, lately? If so, how did you deal with your situation? I invite you to share so that others can learn from your experience.

Six Things to do for the Christmas Holidays

 

 

Christmas Holidays are here again! Just the sound of those words fills me with joy! In this moment, I imagine the Christmas lights and decorations.

At this moment, my mind wanders to the beautifully lit streets of Cayman Brac and festive nightlife at The Greenhouse in Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas United States Virgin Islands. Hale to our visitors, and a warm welcome to St. Vincent and the Grenadines, where you can see the lovely Christmas decorations in various stores and businesses in the city, Kingstown. Next, take a road trip where you can behold the artfully designed and glittering lights at Sion Hill intersection as well as other villages across the country. Certainly, the blend of colors and lights sets off the mood for many people, including myself, at Christmas time.

Although many people in my community take the weeks leading up to Christmas day to take down everything in their houses and clean, I take this season to do things that are easy on my tiny muscles and pleasing to my sense of smell, hearing, touch, and sight. Instead of tiring yourself with all that housework, here are six things you can do to make sure you enjoy the Christmas Holidays.

Bright Lights on Highway 7 Christ Church, Barbados
Stop Making Christmas Holidays About Spending Lots of Money

Instead, make a budget of what you need. No doubt, the Christmas season can put you in the mood to splurge. This is especially so when one beholds the variety of things on sale in the different stores: from expensive personal gift items, to luxurious and eye-catching household items. Avoid catching the fever of Christmas shopping and let the atmosphere entice your five senses instead of your wallet or purse. Try not to succumb to the many gift items on sale, but do let your sense of sight, hearing, and touch be seduced by the spirit of Christmas. Enjoy the moment for what it is! ‘Tis the wonderful feeling of the Christmas Holidays!

 

Travel to Another Country
Highway 7, Christ Church Barbados is sparkling with lights!

Have you ever wondered what other people are doing across the world for the Christmas Holidays? Just close your eyes and simply let your imagination stretch a little further than what is often portrayed in Christmas movies. Or, go on an actual mini Christmas adventure!  Instead of spending your money on things you don’t really need, put your money to good use and take a trip to another country and have yourself a new cultural experience! If you are in Barbados, take a drive on Highway 7 in Christ Church where you will see more of the bright lights here on this blog!

Be sure to get back home before Christmas Day, if you are enjoy traditional Christmas family gatherings.

Decorate Your Living Area!

 

 

Yes! You can have a picturesque home just like what you see on TV. Recently, I visited a friend of mine and it was amazing to see how much one can do with some cheap Christmas balls, fake snowflakes, and plastic. Get your creativity on and create your own personal Christmas fairy tale!

Listen to Christmas Music!

Is there a better way to get in the Christmas mood than to listen to some real Christmas vibes? Even if you do not have snow and you have never seen Santa Claus, there is a wide range of other Christmas songs from which to choose. Funny, but even the sad Christmas songs  have the power to enhance my festive energy.

Spread the Christmas Joy With Others!

Lighten up, put that beautiful smile on your face and smile at everyone you meet. If you have an exciting idea for Christmas  decoration, share it your family and friends. You never know, you might just get others to join you in the fun of decorating!

Attend the Various Christmas Functions in Your Community!

Whether you are planning to attend church (to listen the story of the birth of Christ), singing Christmas Carols, or attending a Christmas dinner, make sure you do something fun.

Attending a Christmas Dinner on Cayman Brac

Are you in St. Vincent and the Grenadines? If so, do not forget to check out  our nine mornings of Christmas celebrations at Heritage Square, Kingstown.  As early as four in the morning, people meet in the city to engage in different activities including dancing, eating, singing, and even crying competition. Our nine mornings of celebration is fraught with lots of fun and laughter. It is a Must experience, if you happen to be visiting around this time.

Do you find it hard to get out of bed? No problem, you can always check out Nine Nights of Lights: A Botanical Garden Christmas! Experience Christmas in a beautiful and tranquil setting!It is all going down here in St. Vincent from the 15th of December to the 23rd from 6pm until 9pm!

Remember, the Christmas Holidays is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus. Let sharing, love, togetherness, and charity be the things that bring you joy. Avoid over spending, over eating, and over drinking. Like with everything else, moderation is the key! Happy Holidays my friends! Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad!

Please share to help your friends get in the Christmas spirit!

Five Things You Need to Know About Caring People

 

 Five Things You Need to Know About Caring People:

One of the things I have come to realize is that everyone expects that someone who cares is always going to be there. However, the burden of caring is not easy. Unless  caring people receive the emotional and physical support, they will not be of any help to themselves or others. Overtime time, the burden of caring takes its toll and the best of us get tired and worn. After a while, we get tired of the constant battle of doing it all and simply give up. Today, I am here to tell you that just because people care it does not mean that they will always be available to bear your pain or suffering.

 

A caring person has feelings too. Because of their constant inner turmoil regarding the cries of those who suffer, they can become tired and demotivated. If you know of someone who is caring, I urge you to find the time to reach out to that person in a genuine way. Find out how they are doing and extend a helping hand. Even though that person may not take you up on your offer, they will experience great joy just knowing that someone cared enough to ask after their well-being. Below, I share with you five things you need to know about caring people. Hopefully, this will inspire someone to reach out to someone who they see as caring.

 

1. Caring People Feel the Burden of Other People:

Even caring people have their limits. The world is filled with a lot of good, but it is also filled with a lot of bad things. And, people who genuinely care about their fellow humans often bear much of the burden, just by simply caring. From personal experience, it is not easy to care and not be able to assist those who are suffering . Sometimes, I dwell on these problems and how I can help the person solve their situation to the point where it makes me feel mentally worn.

2. Caring People Need Someone to Care About Them Too:

Caring people are often the least to find someone who genuinely cares about them. Often times, people take it for granted that the person who cares have it all together. But, what we do not realize is that caring people have problems of their own, they just do not go telling it to all and sundry. On the other hand, if a caring person trusts you and believes you really care, he or she will probably confess to you about a problem they are experiencing. Take a read on this blog I found ,some excellent suggestions, on Three Simple Practices To Be A More Caring Person

 

3. Caring People Worry More About Others Than About Themselves:

Even though I have personal difficulties, my greater burden comes from worrying about others and helping others find ways of dealing with their personal issues. For some reason, I seem to attract people who are experiencing difficulties in their lives. Although I will tell myself that it is not my business, there are instances when the situation is too serious for me to walk away. If you are a caring person, I am certain that some of what I write will resonate with you. There are days when all you will feel like doing is just relax at home with a good book and great food. You will feel like you just need some slack from all that mental stress; like me, you too need time to rejuvenate in order to restore your energy and balance.

 

sunset_sea
Caring people wish they could save the world
4. Caring People do not Just Forget About You:

Just because we do not come running all the time does not mean we do not care. Sometimes, we care enough to let you deal with your personal issues yourself. If you do not hear from a caring person for a few days or a week, please do not freak out. When this happens, you have two choices; either you contact the person to find out how they are doing, or find positive ways to occupy yourself until they are ready to come to you. Chances are, when you contact them, you may find that they were caught up in someone else’s problems or they just needed time to attend to their personal needs.

 

5. Caring People Know They Cannot Save the World:

Caring people wish they can help everyone who is suffering or having a difficult time. However, they are fully aware that they cannot save the entire world. Regardless to how much good caring people do, they often feel as they have done nothing when they look at what still needs to be done. Caring people often do not realize that their small contribution is appreciated by those whom they extended help? While they cannot actually save the world, they hope they can help save someone else’s world and that someone will help someone else’s world.

Let us hear your views on caring people and how we can provide the support they need to continue doing the good works.