Category Archives: Love & Relationships

Five Healthy Ways To Get Over A Breakup

 

Five Healthy Ways To Get Over A Breakup

Almost everyone I know has been through a breakup at one time or another in his or her life. While it is difficult for some people to get past a breakup, others seem to have no problem doing so. Just recently, I was reading about how the zodiac signs deal with breakup and according to the articles I read, some people take very little time to get over a lost love while others like those under the sign of Virgo takes forever. Whether you take little or no time to get over a breakup, this post is to help you gain perspective by applying a few changes to your life so that you can move on.

  1. Accept The Situation For What It Is

After a break-up, you might have the tendency to live in denial. You might even hold on to the hope of reconciling with that person. However, doing so is not healthy as it prolongs the heartbreak and the ability to move on.

Sometimes, people make up after a break up, but those are in cases where both parties involved made rash decisions in the heat of an argument and rather than sit and discuss the issues they jumped the gun and said they were finished. If the situation was not a mere argument and you did have a conversation to end things, you have no choice but to move on (for example, if you were married or in an exclusive relationship). In addition, if the person disappears without having a conversation with you then it would be in your best interest to accept that the person is no longer interested in you. This latter situation often occurs in non-committed relationships (flings, friends with benefits, new relationships etc.).

 

  1. Take The Time To Process The Breakup

After a breakup, you might either cry about it or hide your feelings. I say, it is better to cry your heart out and get on the road to recovery than to suppress your feelings only to become depressed later down the road. You may think that burying your feelings and pretending all is well is the best strategy; however, this behavior will only serve to prolong the inevitable. Whether now or later, you will need to get those emotions out; the healthier option is now than later.

If you must, go over the issues you encountered in the relationship. Reflect on your role in what took place. For example, did you take time to know the person? Did you communicate your needs in the relationship (what you expected or wanted from the partnership) from the beginning? Did you see and ignore red flags such as the person being emotionally unavailable, married, or in a committed relationship?

After you have reflected, take the lessons from it. Make a commitment to address the problems you had. Ask yourself, “how can I improve my communication skills? How can I make sure to avoid emotionally unavailable men/women in my next future date?

Checkout this article I found on Daily Mail Online 10 Steps to Heal A Boken Heart

  1. Maintain No Contact And Move On

If you were the one who initiated the breakup then it might be less painful for you; however, if the other person was the one to do so, this can make you feel devastated: especially if you had not seen it coming.

The person is finished with you and you had the talk. Everything is final. Or, they have ran off without a word and you have not gotten a response despite all your phone calls and messages the best thing to do  in either case is to move on with your life. If you keep contacting the person, it shows that you are holding hopes of getting back together and this in itself is can be very painful. The more you reach out to the person is the more they will avoid you, and it is the more you will be stuck in that painful abyss.

On the other hand, if you maintain the no contact rule, you will find that after as little as a week you will start to feel less desperate for that other person’s affection. In addition, if you keep doing the no contact, you will begin to accept things for what is and this will make you less heartbroken. From experience, I have learned that not contacting the person I was in a relationship with is the best way to get over heartbreak. If the person contacts you and you are determined to leave that person, you should never answer the person’s call. Not answering prevents you from falling back into the emotional roller coaster, which is sure to happen if you are still trying to get over that person.

 

  1. Concentrate On Building Yourself

While all of these steps are just as crucial to take after a breakup, the list would not be complete if I did not include this step. The reason why I suggest that you concentrate on yourself is because it is likely that you may suffer from low self-esteem/low self-worth, depending on the type of relationship you had, such as those of physical and emotional abuse.

Concentrate on self does not only mean to take care of your physical beauty and diet, but also to focus on the spiritual aspects of self. Some ways you can do this include meditation, yoga, listening to positive talks such as preaching of the gospel or music, traveling, joining a club, and surrounding yourself with people who love you.

Powerless to Powerful: Shifting One’s Perspective

  1. Dedicate Yourself To A Purpose

What is life without living for a reason? If you spent all your time focusing on your relationship, then you are definitely going to need something to fill that gap. And, what better way to do so than to find a cause that is worth living or dying for, and pursuing it? Find that one thing you enjoy doing and put your all into it.  Some people who believe that love cures love. While this may be true in some instances, I believe that in order to truly heal, one must take time away from intimate relationships and concentrate on healing themselves so that when the next person comes along you would be in a better place to accept and give love.

I could remember when my life fell apart, both jobwise and related to relationship. Rather than sit around and complain, I finally decided I was going to establish this blog. I started without knowing anything about blogging and website, but my passion for writing kept me going. Today along with the blogs, I also have a strong social media presence where I have been sharing my thoughts on topics pertaining to personal development. I am, by no means, where I want to be, but the very fact that I am writing has been sufficient to curb my anxiety and heal my heart. Now, I am in a much better place to accept love and to give love.

Whatever you do, DO NOT get stuck in a rot. Life is hard, but living with a broken heart is much worse. You deserve to have a beautiful relationship with someone who deserves you. All the best in life and love. Please share, like or comment below.

Six Habits To Adapt For A Less Complicated Life

 

A short video of Fort James Anitgua . Enjoy 🙂

Six Habits To Adapt For A Less Complicated Life

 

Life is not easy. However, it is up to each of us to make it as simple as possible.  I for one have a habit of thinking too much and imagining things even though they are not real. I guess my whole intention is to control everything so that I do not get hurt or disappointed. Well, for the past year, I have been working on this tendency to overthink. Here are three things that I do to help myself stay grounded

 

  1. Do not waste time engaging in pointless arguments. Accept that people are always going to have their opinions about a situation and you may not necessarily have similar views. While arguments can be healthy and lead to different levels of productivity and creativity, you have to pick your arguments carefully.

Not everything people say or do warrants a response. If the argument is going to drain you of energy and is pointless, then let it be. One such argument is a situation in which someone says something offensive to you. Even though their words might affect you, it does not mean that you need to retaliate. Sometimes, we need to look at a person’s attitude and realize that the person is the one with the problem.

 

See 28 Ways to Stop Complicationg Your Life at this link

  1. Know when to let go. Sometimes we encounter people and situations that cause us pain, but rather than letting go and moving on, we keep holding on for that which is not good for us. Some battles are just not yours to fight; as soon as you realize there is nothing you can do learn to let it go. Let go of past wrongs, forgive others of their wrongs and most of all forgive yourself and move on. Life is too short to live in misery. Seek a peaceful alternative, always.

 

12 Ways To Live Blisfully At Forty & Beyond

  1. Practice gratitude and daily prayer. Prayer takes care of your spiritual needs and helps to keep you grounded. Once your spiritual needs are met then everything else becomes secondary. Be grateful for what you have. It is easy to feel as though you lack certain things in your life and you need them in order to be happy.

 

habits for a less complicated life

However, once you

learn not to attach happiness to material things, but rather to a state of inner well-being, your life will be easier. Do not focus on what you do not have; this will only intensify the feelings of unhappiness. Instead, learn to appreciate the little you have while taking steps improve your situation. The happiest people do not necessarily have material riches. The happiest people are those with a peace of mind.

 

4. Live in the moment. Worrying about tomorrow will rob you of the joy you can feel today. When tomorrow comes then you take care of tomorrow. Life is already challenging. Why waste your time worrying about what has not even occurred. Yes, it is good to have plans and to put measures in place in case of emergencies; however, you should not let this stop you from enjoying the here and now. You are not even sure you will live to see the morrow, so why worry about it.

 

  1. Be kind and loving to yourself and others. One of the things we have a difficult time doing is being kind when we are going through difficult times. However, as I have found, being kind actually helps increase your feelings of happiness. When you are less critical of yourself and others, your life becomes more relaxed. Relax. It is okay not to be perfect and to make mistakes.

 

  1. Learn how to help others without feeling burdened by their stress. As human beings, we feel for others when they are experiencing hardships. However, just because we empathize with their situation does not mean that we should allow their situation to make us feel overwhelmed. If we allow their situation to burden us then we would never be able to be of assistance. There are times when we may cry with others, but we need to remind ourselves that the only way we can be of help is to remain focused and separate our feelings from the situation.

 

 

Twelve Things To Enhance Your Facebook Experience

Twelve Things To Enhance Your Facebook Experience

Are you tired of social media, specifically Facebook? Then you might just want to read this. I could sit here and think of all the things that can make using Facebook a positive experience; however, I just decided I would only do a minimum of 12 things to enhance your Facebook experience.

  1. If you think someone is throwing words at you on Facebook, that person probably is. However, you have a choice to or not to respond. If they did not call names then you had better learn to reply without calling names. Chances are you will get the message across if the initial word were for you.

 

  1. Learn to let your silence speak. Not everything you need to have a response for; if someone replies to your comment and it affects you, let it slide. Your silence will definitely speak more than your words. Besides, if you chose to respond there is a high possibility that the person will respond. If you have energy to use up, feel free to entertain them, otherwise save your energy, it is not worth it.

 

  1. Treat Facebook like you would your home. Lock your doors, open your windows and keep the curtains down. That way you can get to observe while at the same time pretending that you have no clue what is going on. In addition, just in case some unwelcomed visitor stops by, you can always pretend that you are not there.

Click this link to check out this post: Why Do We Blame Facebook

 

  1. Do not make it a habit of texting people on Facebook unless it is necessary. Every now and again, it is a good thing to check in, privately; however, your best experience on Facebook might be to take part in non-private conversations. That way people do not feel so edgy and skeptical about responding to you.

 

  1. If the person accepted your friendship request on Facebook, they are not doing so for you to run straight to their inbox and say thank you. While we value good manners, this may not be the best thing. Please beware that some people do not believe in instant contact. Rather, some people prefer to take things slow in getting to know others. With all that is happening around us, please respect the individual‘s right not to engage with you, especially if you are a stranger.

 

  1. Do not get offended when someone does not respond to your message. The person may not have responded for whatever reason, but it is not about you, it is about them. Outside of Facebook, we all have a life. We also have those with whom we enjoy a good conversation, but there is also timing and the type of conversation.

Five Tips For Keeping Your Social Media Habits Healthy

  1. Realize that people lead other lives outside of social media. Unless it is an emergency, keep conversations short. If the person wishes to have an extended conversation, they will let you know. Some people, like me, do not enjoy long conversations on social media, hence in order to avoid a long conversation I would prefer not to answer in the first place (if I know you habitually love long chats).

 

  1. Do not let your sole purpose be to find a woman or a man on Facebook. Instead of searching desperately for love, why not join the conversation. Take part in the discussions that resonate with you and share stuff that you love so others can engage with you. Remember, Facebook is whatever you make it.

 

  1. Learn to entertain yourself on Facebook. Some people complain of boredom or of people ignoring them on social media. My suggestion to anyone who feels bored on social media is to find and share interesting and positive things. Chances are, the people who resonate with what you share will comment and join the conversation.

 

  1. If you are a woman, avoid men whose sole intention is to question you about your personal life. Relationships take time to grow. And, while we have heard of people meeting on Facebook and having great relationships, it is important to take things slowly. Get to know the person before getting too involved.

 

  1. Avoid unnecessary drama. I recall a man who messaged me on Facebook and seeing that he was born on the same date as me I responded to him. We chatted for a while then I said goodbye. Within the same day, the man was messaging me again. After I did not answer him, he proceeded to call me on Facebook messenger, to which I ignored. Then he preceded to text me to inform me that he is not a little boy. I very amazed by the way this man acted. In order to prevent future confrontations such as this I blocked him.

 

  1. Do not share people’s pictures on Facebook unless the person has some encouraging words attached to the photo. I have seen people who make it a habit to share other people’s photos. I for one feel offended when a man shares my photo, unless I have some positive words attached to the photo. Just last night I saw one Facebook user asking how they could delete her photo that one of her friends had shared. There are two things you can do, either make sure that you set your share settings to friends only, or report the photo to Facebook who will then give you further instructions as to if you want to ask the person to remove the photo, if you want to block the person…etc.

Four Things To Remember After A Storm

Four Things To Remember After A Storm

Life is one complicated heap of mess, or so it would seem for some of us who are experiencing overwhelming challenges. As I looked at the many videos on the various social media forums and news websites, I imagined how it is for those who are in the situation. A series of hurricanes including Harvey and Irma have done more destruction than I have ever seen in my time on this earth. My heart grieved for the people in the recent disaster that was Irma, who destroyed the beautiful Caribbean in a few days.

I looked in awe at the pictures of buildings that were completely destroyed passage of hurricane Irma. Most of the photos I have seen so far are from the islands of St. Martin, Barbuda, and the British Virgin Islands; however, I have listened to reports of damage from Anguilla, St. Thomas and a few other Caribbean countries. I have seen flooding in parts of the United States as Irma traveled across the land.

I was not there, but it did not stop the tears and the heartbreak  as I listened to the stories of people and what they did to survive. The sadness I felt as I watched thousands being evacuated from a place they have called home. The fear I felt for those in areas where looting and crime is alleged to have occurred. The concern I felt for those who did not have food to eat. Neither did it stop me from empathizing with persons who were in a state of worry as they tried desperately to get information about their loved ones.

I may not have been in a hurricane like Irma, but the struggle I have been through has been a personal storm of another type. The feelings of despair and hopelessness I had to deal with are like those resulting from any storm. Not to mention the discomfort and not having the resources you need to carry out the activities of daily living. The reality that I had to pick up the pieces and move on is similar to what has happened to those affected by this storm. As the reality of your situation sinks in, I urge you to consider these things:

  1. Your greatest gift is life. As long as you are alive and healthy, everything else is possible. Material things can always be replaced (I know, I had to start all over when I returned home without a job). Give thanks to the Almighty for life always. Amidst all of this destruction, I remain hopeful. Thousands of homes and the countries’ infrastructure are in complete ruins after this hurricane, yet I remain hopeful. For the persons who are very fortunate to have survived a category 5 Hurricane and lived to tell the story, I say to you that there is hope. You have life, which is the most important gift.

Managing Stress After A Hurricane

  1. In times like these, your true strength will be tested. When things are going smoothly in your lives, you might tend to feel strong and positive. However, when things happen and turn your world upside down this is when you need to have those feelings of positivity and hopefulness. In such situations as Irma has created, it is crucial that you change the way you see things. It is not what is happening or has happened to you, but rather how you respond to what is happening or has happened.

How To Rise Above Hopeless Situations

  1. As you struggle to find the meaning of this destruction, I urge you to take one day at a time. The Almighty did not build the world in one day, therefore, you will not meet the level of comfort that you once had in a day. Each day you arise, be thankful for the little you have, while taking small steps to improve the situation. Remember, some people did not make it through the storm. You have life, all else is secondary.

 

4. In all you do be kind to yourself and others. It is easy to become bitter or angry,  but do not be caught up in those feelings of selfishness.  It is okay to grieve about what has happened, however, do not get sucked in by your situation to the point where you are unable to cope.  Instead of grieving by yourself,  find ways of helping out around you.

People unite and help each other are more prosperous than people  who fight against each other. Let those of us who can, help those who are in need at this difficult time.

 

In life, so many things can happen to you, but one thing is sure…how you deal with these challenges will decide the quality of the life you live. It is either you choose to look at your circumstances and complain, or look at what is happening, accept your situation, and decide to take on the challenges before you.

How To Get Over The Fear Of  Other People’s Opinion

 

How To Get Over The Fear Of  Other People’s Opinion

One of the things that keep us back in life is fear of other people’s opinion of us. In today’s society, when one does not follow the norm, they are often the target of much criticism and scorn. As a result, many of us are afraid of being our genuine selves. Instead of doing the things we dream of doing, we become paralyze with fear of what others will think if we act on our dreams. Sadly, some of us will rather conform to the norms and go to our graves full of regret. Today, I encourage you to break free of the shackles of other people’s opinion.

 

  1. Realize That You Are Not Perfect

As an imperfect human being, you will always make mistakes. But that does not mean you should continue to live in your safe shell. The more you hide from yourself is the unhappier you would be. Are you willing to live a life of unfulfilled dreams because of how you will look if, and when you make a mistake?

People: From Whence I Came,”That was Then, This is Now”

  1. Build Your Self-Esteem

People are always going to have something to say about you. For some, this will be positive, but for others, it may be negative. Regardless to what people think of you, it does not mean you have to let what they say affect you. And even if it did, you don’t need to show them that their opinions have power over you.

One thing I have learned is that the more people realize that their opinions of you affect you is the more they would attack you. Focus on building your self-esteem/self-confindence. Be very selective in what you respond to; so that when they spew their words of hate ,you would be able to laugh it off and continue about your day. There are some comments that do not deserve a response, when you respond you are more likely to show your emotions and give them the ammunition to continue attacking you.

suggested reading: Fear of Opinions Phobia ~ it is a very insigtful article

  1. Focus Your Eyes Ahead

In pursuit of your dreams, some people will try to distract you, but pay no attention to them. Solomon in the book of Proverbs gave the instructions to ~ “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you” Proverbs 4:25 and “Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” Proverbs 4:26. For me this verse is applicable applied to daily life. You are not in competition with anyone, but yourself. Never mind what others are saying. Use your energy to focus on yourself and your purpose. Keep pushing forward and do not let what they say distract you.

 

  1. Let Criticism Be Your Motivation

It is not an easy feeling when someone criticizes us. While some people are okay with criticism, most of us feel bad when we hear our shortcomings. We may even feel demotivated by criticism and make it prevent us from going forward.  In order to get past this, learn to take others’ criticism with a grain of salt. Reflect on what they have said and see where you can improve based on what you want to achieve.

“Don’t let the fear of other’s opinion drown out your inner voice”~ Steve Jobs

Always remember that not every criticism is well meaning. Some criticism are based on envy, and even when you are good at something there are some people who will still try to pull you down. In the end, you will have to be able to use your wisdom to determine the truth of the criticism and make improvements where necessary.

How To Cope With Unmet Expectations

 

How To Cope With Unmet Expectations

Unmet expectations are one of main causes of human sorrow. In fact, everyone I know has had some unmet expectations. Personally, I recall many instances in my life when I became very anxious. In many of these instances, my expectations were high then my feelings of disappointment and pain came crashing down.  In some instances, I cried, became angry, or retreat into my antisocial mood.

In this post, I refer to the past two years and more of my life. For almost three years, I have struggled to find a job. Each place I applied has either not responded or said they will keep my application on file. In all of those instances, I have had only one interview. Now, you would think that this will break anyone, but for me, this has only strengthened my resolve to work harder and constantly sought ways of improving myself.

Similar Posts Hope: The Power of Expectation

It is never easy when you are expecting someone to come through for you and in the end, they do not; if this happens too many times, it is easy for you to become discouraged and lose your faith and trust. Eventually, you have to find a way to cope and as you ponder the issue of unmet expectations, realize that what you expect does not depend solely on what you do. Our expectations mainly depend on what others decide and circumstances outside of us for which we have little or no control…

However, even as difficult as it is to cope with unmet expectations, it is something you will have to learn to deal with because as long as you are a living human being you are going to face disappointments.  Instead of living in fear and thinking that nothing is going to go the way you want in life, the healthier way to cope will be to change your attitude about expectations.

The Silent Marriage Killer In this article the writer gives a unique perspective of how one can cope with expectations in a marriage.

Now, I would never suggest to anyone not to have expectations, because as much as you have been hurt by unfulfilled expectations you cannot totally live without having expectations. Instead, what you should consider doing is go with the flow. Whenever you feel disappointed about something that did not turn out the way you wanted, it is okay if you feel upset for a while then you shake it off. You could consider distracting yourself by thinking well, every disappointment is for the better.

Do I believe that every disappointment is for the better? Yes, I do. Repeatedly, things have worked out perfectly for me after a severe storm in my life. This has given me the ability to cope with anxiety and the other feelings that result from unmet expectations. After so many rejections and unmet expectations, the period for me to bounce back has become narrower.

Therefore, I urge you that the next time your expectations do not come through, as you wanted to, realize that it is not the end of the world. Rather, not having your expectations met is a new opportunity for you to change direction; whether it is in the way you think or act. Take one day at a time; go with the flow, no hustle.

Do not let the fear of unmet expectations limit you. Be brave, be curious, and have the resilience to move forward~~~~Ophelia Myall

12 Ways To Live Blissfully At Forty & Beyond


12 Ways To Live Blissfully At Forty & Beyond

Welcome to forty! That is what I intend to tell myself when I get there in another couple of months. Unlike some people who do not want to die, but dread the thought of aging, I am truly looking forward to embracing my forty.
This feeling of anticipation was not always there because when I was much younger I dreaded the thought of aging. In my 20s, I dreaded turning thirty and for a few years into my 30s, I dreaded turning 40 years old.
I think it was the physical and mental signs associated with old age that got me feeling anxious about the prospect of getting old. Almost everyone I know had this fear of aging. Therefore, I guess I inherited it. Then something happened. I realized that we wear our age better when we embrace it rather than denying it. Here are 12 ways that can help you live blissfully past forty.

1. Do Realize That Aging Is A Blessing Not A Curse

I realized that getting older is a blessing and not a curse. After all, if you did not get old it therefore means that you will die young. In addition, who wants to die before completing his or her purpose on earth? I for one was not going to wish aging away, because doing so may take me faster to meet the grim reaper. All the more reason to look forward to forty

2. Do Not Focus On The Aging Process

Instead of thinking about how old you are getting, concentrate on doing things with your life. One who is busy living surely does not have time to watch the appearance of gray hairs and wrinkles. Instead, one focuses on finding and doing things that makes oneself and others happy. Besides, the activity keeps you mentally sharp. Be curious, be adventurous and try doing something you have never done before. Read books, find new hobbies, simply explore! Make forty and beyond amzing!

3. Do Not Focus On Others

Make a decision that you are not going to care about how young other people are, because, your age does not determine how well you live nor how your life is going to be. Life is more about your ability to live, laugh, and embrace whatever comes your way. With your past experiences, being forty opens up a whole new world of opportunities.

 

4. Find Your Purpose

Life is finding that purpose for which you are on the earth and being busy in its fulfillment. Life is also about making that purpose a blessing to others. You also have a responsibility to show your successors that forty is not scary.

“You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.” ~ C.S.Lewis

5. Embrace Your Spirituality

The material things in life will make you happy, but only for a while. However, if you embrace the spiritual side of life, this will bring you peace, comfort, joy and blend nicely with the good things around you. I think life is most definitely about embracing our spiritual being and living in a manner that is pleasing to the Almighty God and as such influencing others to emulate your actions.

6. Think About Your Legacy

What legacy would you like to leave behind? How would you like the people that knew you to remember you? At the end of the day, your age would not matter. How you lived your life is what really counts in the end.

7. Be Thankful For Your Life

What are the things you have done so far that you feel thankful? Think about those and if you do not like what you found, start making the necessary changes. It is never too late to start over.
As I near forty, I am thankful for every experience I have had. The good experiences have brought joy to my life and those around me, dear to me. Moreover, the bad experiences have made me much stronger than I have ever thought I would be.

Want To Age Gracefully? Avoid These 7 Things

8. Have A Small Circle Of Friends

There is no aging gracefully without having friends. Imagine how boring it would be if you had no one to have genuine conversations with…How would you feel hanging by yourself all of the time?
I am also thankful for the few friendships and people who have been a part of my life. For those who have stayed and for those who moved on.

Three Essentials For Living And Aging Gracefully

9. Think about You Greatest Achievement

What are your greatest achievements? What are the things you did that makes you feel most pride when you reflect on your life thus far? I have accomplished some material things. My greatest achievement was my ability to be a mother to my children and to help others; it is in these two things that I have found the most joy. The two things that have influenced my desire to be a better person are the love for my children and for people in general. I desire to be a better person and as forty gets closer, I have no problems saying good-bye to 39.

10. Take Care Of Yourself

No matter how much you try, eventually the signs of aging will appear. However, this should not stop you from taking care of yourself. Eat healthy as much as possible, pay attention to your grooming, and get some activity in your daily life. Change your style of dressing to suit your age and personality. Be elegant and graceful!

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

11. Prepare For Retirement

If you have not been doing so, you seriously should consider saving for retirement. There is nothing like getting older and having to depend on others for a living. Studies claim that stress contributes to aging and diseases; as you get older, the threat of becoming ill will is even greater without adding money worries to the table.

Is Turning 40 Something To Celebrate?

12. Stop Thinking About What Others Will Think

As you age, you should get more confident and brave. You should not have to be walking on eggshells trying to please everyone else but yourself. As long as you are living with integrity and not doing anything illegal, you should not have to pretend to be someone else.

Have any suggestions for embracing and living blissfully past forty? If so, please share in the comments section below.

5 Reasons to Walk Away From A Relationship

 

5 Reasons to Walk Away From A Relationship

 

If nothing seems to be working in your relationship, it may be time to walk away
If nothing seems to be working in your relationship, it may be time to walk away

Have you ever been in a relationship, long or short term and realized that you felt stagnant?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you cry more than you are happy and everything you do makes you feel worst? I’ve been there so I know firsthand what it feels like.

While there are many situations from which we may need to move on, this post focuses on walking away when things are not working in an intimate relationship. While making a decision is your ultimate responsibility, these tips will help you decide your next step.

 

Ineffective Communication in the Relationship 

One of the key things which make a relationship successful is communication. It is through communication that we stay connected to those we hold most dear. You know things are coming to a screeching half if you or your partner has reached the point where they can no longer have a rational conversation. Perhaps, it has gotten to the point where you shout at each other with hopes of being heard.

 

If it has become a habit of arguing and at the end of the argument the issue does not gets solved, it is not effective communication. Repetitive arguing leaves those involved mentally drained. The person who is rational may become tired and just behave indifferently to the point where they no longer listen to the other. If you are the person doing the shouting and you have no intentions of having a civil conversation, it may be best for you to walk away. If your partner is the one who refuses to compromise, you will need to seriously consider ending the relationship.

 

While I am not trying to find excuses for any adult who shouts at another person, in order to be heard, I realized that sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships with people whom we are not compatible. Being with them seems to bring out the worst in you. And, if you are not experienced at handling communication issues, you may resort to behaviors you never knew you were cable of in hopes of getting them to act reasonably. It does not matter what you do, some people will never change and some will only change if they see the benefit to do so. Before you destroy yourself and lose your sanity…walk away.

Lack of Support in the Relationship

While we are not expecting anyone to spoon feed us, we all need people in our lives to support us in our dreams and aspirations. How do you know when someone is being supportive? One of the early signs I look for when dating someone is whether they ask about my dreams and actually listen to my response. Sometimes it is not easy to spot whether the other person genuinely cares. The person may start out by asking you all sorts of questions about yourself. But, after a while, you noticed that they seem to have forgotten about your well-being. You may notice their only focus is on what they can get from you rather than what they bring to the relationship…

 

There are different ways in which we show our support for others, and it does not have to be financial. We can show our support for our significant other by being encouraging and helpful. For example, if your partner is learning to build a website and you are quite skillful in this area, you can show support by offering your assistance. We can also show support by praising our partners for small accomplishments to help boosts their self-esteem.

If your partner is consistently not showing any interest in you other than physical intimacy and having a supportive partner is one of your relationship must haves…and you have had discussions about this issue on several occasions without any signs of improvement on their part…it may be time to say good bye. For an amazing read and a heartfelt experience on when it may be time to walk away go take a look at this blog.

 

Lack of Trust in the Relationship

 

What is a relationship without trust? It does not matter how much feelings of love you have for another person, if either of you cannot trust the other then you might as well throw in the towel and walk away.

There are times when you are going to need your “me” time in order to maintain a healthy relationship. There is nothing more humiliating that having to become a private FBI for your partner or vice versa. Imagine going out with friends and your partner calls you every five minutes to ask you where your where about…or worst still…driving by the place you and your friends are eating just to see what you are up to. Imagine all the things we do when we do not trust someone…searching their phones…stalking them on social media…

Trust broken is very hard to rebuild. If there was not any trust issues in the beginning and the trust eroded because of what one partner may have done, and both of you are unable to get pass the issue and rebuild trust…it is time to walk away.

 

 

Lack of Interest in the Relationship

It takes two to make a relationship work. Sometimes a relationship starts out great and both partners are super excited! However; after a few months in, one or both partners may become distant for whatever reason. When this happens, there is less communication and interaction as one or both partners find other things to occupy their time.

Consider your situation and make a decision
Reflect on your relationship and make a decision

A lack of interest may exist in long term relationships where people become too comfortable. So, instead of working to maintain the spark, they take each other for granted.  Sometimes, we become so caught up with other things that we are not even aware that our relationship is crumbling until it badly in need of repair.

Follow this link to gain another perspective on signs it is time to leave your partner.

 

If you are the one who does not have any interest in continuing the relationship, it will be a good thing if you can communicate this honestly to your partner, rather than leading them on. If you find yourself in the position where you are hurting because your partner no longer shows interest in being with you, you may want to have a talk and communicate your feelings in a non-accusing way. If your partner has no inclination in making the relationship work, then keep your dignity intact and move on.

 

Your Partner is Abusive in the Relationship

There are many forms of abuse including emotional, physical, and financial. Often times, all of these forms, especially the first two are intertwined. If you are being abused by your partner, you may need to seek help from a professional. There are organizations which are specially designed to handle these cases. Seek help before it is too late.

Abuse does not discriminate against gender or age. While women are often the one being abused, there are cases of women abusing men. I personally do not believe anyone should stay in a relationship where they are being abused. In order to prevent an escalating situation, it is even more critical that you seek help if physical abuse is present.

At the end of it all, it is not always easy to walk away. But, always choose your happiness and well-being over a relationship that is going nowhere. We all deserve to be loved and appreciated in our relationships. There is never a time when abuse is okay. Realize that not everyone who enters our lives is meant to stay. Take the lessons you learn and move on. There is nothing more great than finding peace

Have you ever found yourself in an abusive relationship? Or know of someone who has endured some form of abuse. Share your insights in the comment box below.

 

 

Are You Tired of Doing Good?

Are You Tired of Doing Good?

At some point in our lives, we all get tired: especially if we habitually do things that do not seem rewarding. One such thing we get tired of is being kind, doing good and helping others. Today, I want to challenge anyone out there who has a good heart not to change because you’re not getting the recognition you think you deserve. In this post I remind you of three reasons why you should continue to do good things.

 

1. The Good You Do Comes Back To You

If you are tired of doing good here is one more thing to consider before you throw in the towel. When you help others, you always receive your reward in some way. Sometimes, things may appear as if they are going downhill; however, once you are a person that renders kindness to others, life has a way of sending people to support you. When you really need the support and do not know where the help you need may come from, the right people cross your path.  For example, for years, while I was working I was good to so many people. When things became tough for me, people I did not know while I was in my good times stepped in to offer their assistance. Here are some ideas for being kind to others.

Yes, the people you help may not always be the ones to help you back, because often times they are in no position to do so. In addition, sometimes, they are so used to taking that they turn their back on you when bad times fall on you. Nevertheless, do not lose heart because of these people…just keep sowing good seeds in different places.

 

2. You Also Benefit When You Do Good To Others

Are you feeling discouraged, because no one seems to appreciate your goodness? If so, I urge you to consider this: being kind is not just about the other person. When you help someone, the feeling of joy and satisfaction you experience is enough compensation. I could remember during my trials when I changed my perspective. Instead of being grumpy and taking out my frustrations on others, I made a commitment to be kind. To treat others the way I yearned to be treated. At first, this new behavior was challenging. I was so accustomed to retaliating that it took sometime before I could change this habit of rendering evil for evil.

When people hurt us, we can be tempted to put the blame on others, because we may not be in a position to respond in kind to those who hurt us. Always remember that how you feel is no excuse for how you treat others, even when they wrong you. Instead of retaliating, hold your peace and keep helping those who appreciate. I always believe that the reward for helping others do not come from man, it comes from the Almighty God.

3. Doing Good Is The Right Thing To Do

Being kind, doing good, helping others are the right things to do. At the end of the day, one of your goals should be to live in a peaceful environment, and this can only be possible by being kind to one another.

Do not dwell on what you have done for someone in the past: whether or not the person to whom you were kind does not show appreciation. How would you feel if you were unkind to someone? Would it worry you, or would you rest peaceful despite your actions? Your answer to that should be a guide to your actions.

Please share your views of being kind or good to others. I’d love to hear of any experiences you had with being kind to others.

Three Mistakes To Avoid During Times Of Adversity

 Three Mistakes To Avoid During Times Of Adversity

 

How do you deal with stress, challenges, or adversity?  There is no way we would and could go through life without experiencing adversity. So what do we do? Do we run each time we encounter a difficulty?  Alternatively, do we find a way to cope and to do so positively? Whether the source of our stress results from a relationship, work, social, or environmental issue, life is going to throw us challenges.

Five Things To Consider When Facing Life’s Challenges

Some of the challenges we encounter would be small, whereas some would be of a nature that threaten to overwhelm us and sap the energy out of us. When adversity comes knocking, we need to hold on to a few beliefs that will help sustain us through the process. In this post, I discuss some of the mistakes that people make when experiencing adversity. If you do not feel like reading you can always listen to the video  below for some valuable tips on dealing with adversity.

 

  1. Trying to Control The Issue

I think by now every adult, with soundness of mind, know that we are not always able to control what happens to us. Sometimes we create our own storms, and sometimes, things happen when someone outside of us failed to take responsibility.

Regardless of the cause of your situation, there is no point trying to control a situation that has gone beyond your control. You will find that the more you fight with the problem is the more pain it causes.

When things are not the way you want, you should be able to decide if it is worth fighting for, holding on, or letting go. I say, if you have done all in your power and the situation has not changed for the better, it is time to try something new. Sometimes, the something new is taking time to reflect, giving the problem a break, or seeking an alternative where possible.

Here’s a beautiful ariticle that suggests ways in whcih you can overcome adversities.

If you cannot change your environment, you can change the way you view adversity. In addition, as you change the way you look at adversity, you will find new ways of dealing with your situation.

 

  1. Looking at Your Life Based on Your Current Circumstances

Yeah, I know everything seem hopeless right now. You are looking at your circumstances and there seems to be no end in sight. You may have been in the situation for months or even years and nothing seemed to have changed.

Think of your situation as a cloudy sky. Imagine that you woke up one morning to find it was raining and the sky covered with clouds. Nevertheless, as you go through the day, the rain stops and the cloud passes to reveal a beautiful blue sky… this is how life is. This is how your circumstances operate. If you keep the faith long enough and do what you know in our heart to be right, you will make it through whatever adversity you are facing. Moreover, you will grow through your situation.

Is there something in your life that is causing you discomfort? Is there something in your life you know you need to change? Do not wait for things to magically change, instead create a vision of what you want your life to be like and work towards that vision. Always remember, you are more than your circumstances and once you change your mindset, your circumstances will change.

  1. Letting Your Circumstances Dictate How You Treat Others

Sometimes, if we are not careful, periods of adversity can cause us to become bitter. However, you must always be cognizant that there is no room for bitterness if you want a fulfilling life. Besides, bitterness  only adds to your already challenging situation, if you let those feelings consume you.

I have found that whenever I am facing adversity it brings me more peace when I extend a helping hand to someone less fortunate. Always remember, that there are people who are in situations far worse. Today I challenge you to keep your heart soft and in a good place. Practice helping others through your pain. When you focus on helping others, you have less time to dwell on your circumstances. In addition, there is much joy to be experienced from making someone else’s day than sitting at home in the victim mode.

Please share this video to help inspire someone.