Category Archives: Love & Relationships

How To Get Over The Fear Of  Other People’s Opinion

 

How To Get Over The Fear Of  Other People’s Opinion

One of the things that keep us back in life is fear of other people’s opinion of us. In today’s society, when one does not follow the norm, they are often the target of much criticism and scorn. As a result, many of us are afraid of being our genuine selves. Instead of doing the things we dream of doing, we become paralyze with fear of what others will think if we act on our dreams. Sadly, some of us will rather conform to the norms and go to our graves full of regret. Today, I encourage you to break free of the shackles of other people’s opinion.

 

  1. Realize That You Are Not Perfect

As an imperfect human being, you will always make mistakes. But that does not mean you should continue to live in your safe shell. The more you hide from yourself is the unhappier you would be. Are you willing to live a life of unfulfilled dreams because of how you will look if, and when you make a mistake?

People: From Whence I Came,”That was Then, This is Now”

  1. Build Your Self-Esteem

People are always going to have something to say about you. For some, this will be positive, but for others, it may be negative. Regardless to what people think of you, it does not mean you have to let what they say affect you. And even if it did, you don’t need to show them that their opinions have power over you.

One thing I have learned is that the more people realize that their opinions of you affect you is the more they would attack you. Focus on building your self-esteem/self-confindence. Be very selective in what you respond to; so that when they spew their words of hate ,you would be able to laugh it off and continue about your day. There are some comments that do not deserve a response, when you respond you are more likely to show your emotions and give them the ammunition to continue attacking you.

suggested reading: Fear of Opinions Phobia ~ it is a very insigtful article

  1. Focus Your Eyes Ahead

In pursuit of your dreams, some people will try to distract you, but pay no attention to them. Solomon in the book of Proverbs gave the instructions to ~ “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you” Proverbs 4:25 and “Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” Proverbs 4:26. For me this verse is applicable applied to daily life. You are not in competition with anyone, but yourself. Never mind what others are saying. Use your energy to focus on yourself and your purpose. Keep pushing forward and do not let what they say distract you.

 

  1. Let Criticism Be Your Motivation

It is not an easy feeling when someone criticizes us. While some people are okay with criticism, most of us feel bad when we hear our shortcomings. We may even feel demotivated by criticism and make it prevent us from going forward.  In order to get past this, learn to take others’ criticism with a grain of salt. Reflect on what they have said and see where you can improve based on what you want to achieve.

“Don’t let the fear of other’s opinion drown out your inner voice”~ Steve Jobs

Always remember that not every criticism is well meaning. Some criticism are based on envy, and even when you are good at something there are some people who will still try to pull you down. In the end, you will have to be able to use your wisdom to determine the truth of the criticism and make improvements where necessary.

How To Cope With Unmet Expectations

 

How To Cope With Unmet Expectations

Unmet expectations are one of main causes of human sorrow. In fact, everyone I know has had some unmet expectations. Personally, I recall many instances in my life when I became very anxious. In many of these instances, my expectations were high then my feelings of disappointment and pain came crashing down.  In some instances, I cried, became angry, or retreat into my antisocial mood.

In this post, I refer to the past two years and more of my life. For almost three years, I have struggled to find a job. Each place I applied has either not responded or said they will keep my application on file. In all of those instances, I have had only one interview. Now, you would think that this will break anyone, but for me, this has only strengthened my resolve to work harder and constantly sought ways of improving myself.

Similar Posts Hope: The Power of Expectation

It is never easy when you are expecting someone to come through for you and in the end, they do not; if this happens too many times, it is easy for you to become discouraged and lose your faith and trust. Eventually, you have to find a way to cope and as you ponder the issue of unmet expectations, realize that what you expect does not depend solely on what you do. Our expectations mainly depend on what others decide and circumstances outside of us for which we have little or no control…

However, even as difficult as it is to cope with unmet expectations, it is something you will have to learn to deal with because as long as you are a living human b

eing you are going to face disappointments.  Instead of living in fear and thinking that nothing is going to go the way you want in life, the healthier way to cope will be to change your attitude about expectations.

The Silent Marriage Killer In this article the writer gives a unique perspective of how one can cope with expectations in a marriage.

Now, I would never suggest to anyone not to have expectations, because as much as you have been hurt by unfulfilled expectations you cannot totally live without having expectations. Instead, what you should consider doing is go with the flow. Whenever you feel disappointed about something that did not turn out the way you wanted, it is okay if you feel upset for a while then you shake it off. You could consider distracting yourself by thinking well, every disappointment is for the better.

Do I believe that every disappointment is for the better? Yes, I do. Repeatedly, things have worked out perfectly for me after a severe storm in my life. This has given me the ability to cope with anxiety and the other feelings that result from unmet expectations. After so many rejections and unmet expectations, the period for me to bounce back has become narrower.

Therefore, I urge you that the next time your expectations do not come through, as you wanted to, realize that it is not the end of the world. Rather, not having your expectations met is a new opportunity for you to change direction; whether it is in the way you think or act. Take one day at a time; go with the flow, no hustle.

Do not let the fear of unmet expectations limit you. Be brave, be curious, and have the resilience to move forward~~~~Ophelia Myall

12 Ways To Live Blissfully At Forty & Beyond


12 Ways To Live Blissfully At Forty & Beyond

Welcome to forty! That is what I intend to tell myself when I get there in another couple of months. Unlike some people who do not want to die, but dread the thought of aging, I am truly looking forward to embracing my forty.
This feeling of anticipation was not always there because when I was much younger I dreaded the thought of aging. In my 20s, I dreaded turning thirty and for a few years into my 30s, I dreaded turning 40 years old.
I think it was the physical and mental signs associated with old age that got me feeling anxious about the prospect of getting old. Almost everyone I know had this fear of aging. Therefore, I guess I inherited it. Then something happened. I realized that we wear our age better when we embrace it rather than denying it. Here are 12 ways that can help you live blissfully past forty.

1. Do Realize That Aging Is A Blessing Not A Curse

I realized that getting older is a blessing and not a curse. After all, if you did not get old it therefore means that you will die young. In addition, who wants to die before completing his or her purpose on earth? I for one was not going to wish aging away, because doing so may take me faster to meet the grim reaper. All the more reason to look forward to forty

2. Do Not Focus On The Aging Process

Instead of thinking about how old you are getting, concentrate on doing things with your life. One who is busy living surely does not have time to watch the appearance of gray hairs and wrinkles. Instead, one focuses on finding and doing things that makes oneself and others happy. Besides, the activity keeps you mentally sharp. Be curious, be adventurous and try doing something you have never done before. Read books, find new hobbies, simply explore! Make forty and beyond amzing!

3. Do Not Focus On Others

Make a decision that you are not going to care about how young other people are, because, your age does not determine how well you live nor how your life is going to be. Life is more about your ability to live, laugh, and embrace whatever comes your way. With your past experiences, being forty opens up a whole new world of opportunities.

 

4. Find Your Purpose

Life is finding that purpose for which you are on the earth and being busy in its fulfillment. Life is also about making that purpose a blessing to others. You also have a responsibility to show your successors that forty is not scary.

“You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.” ~ C.S.Lewis

5. Embrace Your Spirituality

The material things in life will make you happy, but only for a while. However, if you embrace the spiritual side of life, this will bring you peace, comfort, joy and blend nicely with the good things around you. I think life is most definitely about embracing our spiritual being and living in a manner that is pleasing to the Almighty God and as such influencing others to emulate your actions.

6. Think About Your Legacy

What legacy would you like to leave behind? How would you like the people that knew you to remember you? At the end of the day, your age would not matter. How you lived your life is what really counts in the end.

7. Be Thankful For Your Life

What are the things you have done so far that you feel thankful? Think about those and if you do not like what you found, start making the necessary changes. It is never too late to start over.
As I near forty, I am thankful for every experience I have had. The good experiences have brought joy to my life and those around me, dear to me. Moreover, the bad experiences have made me much stronger than I have ever thought I would be.

Want To Age Gracefully? Avoid These 7 Things

8. Have A Small Circle Of Friends

There is no aging gracefully without having friends. Imagine how boring it would be if you had no one to have genuine conversations with…How would you feel hanging by yourself all of the time?
I am also thankful for the few friendships and people who have been a part of my life. For those who have stayed and for those who moved on.

Three Essentials For Living And Aging Gracefully

9. Think about You Greatest Achievement

What are your greatest achievements? What are the things you did that makes you feel most pride when you reflect on your life thus far? I have accomplished some material things. My greatest achievement was my ability to be a mother to my children and to help others; it is in these two things that I have found the most joy. The two things that have influenced my desire to be a better person are the love for my children and for people in general. I desire to be a better person and as forty gets closer, I have no problems saying good-bye to 39.

10. Take Care Of Yourself

No matter how much you try, eventually the signs of aging will appear. However, this should not stop you from taking care of yourself. Eat healthy as much as possible, pay attention to your grooming, and get some activity in your daily life. Change your style of dressing to suit your age and personality. Be elegant and graceful!

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

11. Prepare For Retirement

If you have not been doing so, you seriously should consider saving for retirement. There is nothing like getting older and having to depend on others for a living. Studies claim that stress contributes to aging and diseases; as you get older, the threat of becoming ill will is even greater without adding money worries to the table.

Is Turning 40 Something To Celebrate?

12. Stop Thinking About What Others Will Think

As you age, you should get more confident and brave. You should not have to be walking on eggshells trying to please everyone else but yourself. As long as you are living with integrity and not doing anything illegal, you should not have to pretend to be someone else.

Have any suggestions for embracing and living blissfully past forty? If so, please share in the comments section below.

5 Reasons to Walk Away From A Relationship

 

5 Reasons to Walk Away From A Relationship

 

If nothing seems to be working in your relationship, it may be time to walk away
If nothing seems to be working in your relationship, it may be time to walk away

Have you ever been in a relationship, long or short term and realized that you felt stagnant?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you cry more than you are happy and everything you do makes you feel worst? I’ve been there so I know firsthand what it feels like.

While there are many situations from which we may need to move on, this post focuses on walking away when things are not working in an intimate relationship. While making a decision is your ultimate responsibility, these tips will help you decide your next step.

 

Ineffective Communication in the Relationship 

One of the key things which make a relationship successful is communication. It is through communication that we stay connected to those we hold most dear. You know things are coming to a screeching half if you or your partner has reached the point where they can no longer have a rational conversation. Perhaps, it has gotten to the point where you shout at each other with hopes of being heard.

 

If it has become a habit of arguing and at the end of the argument the issue does not gets solved, it is not effective communication. Repetitive arguing leaves those involved mentally drained. The person who is rational may become tired and just behave indifferently to the point where they no longer listen to the other. If you are the person doing the shouting and you have no intentions of having a civil conversation, it may be best for you to walk away. If your partner is the one who refuses to compromise, you will need to seriously consider ending the relationship.

 

While I am not trying to find excuses for any adult who shouts at another person, in order to be heard, I realized that sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships with people whom we are not compatible. Being with them seems to bring out the worst in you. And, if you are not experienced at handling communication issues, you may resort to behaviors you never knew you were cable of in hopes of getting them to act reasonably. It does not matter what you do, some people will never change and some will only change if they see the benefit to do so. Before you destroy yourself and lose your sanity…walk away.

Lack of Support in the Relationship

While we are not expecting anyone to spoon feed us, we all need people in our lives to support us in our dreams and aspirations. How do you know when someone is being supportive? One of the early signs I look for when dating someone is whether they ask about my dreams and actually listen to my response. Sometimes it is not easy to spot whether the other person genuinely cares. The person may start out by asking you all sorts of questions about yourself. But, after a while, you noticed that they seem to have forgotten about your well-being. You may notice their only focus is on what they can get from you rather than what they bring to the relationship…

 

There are different ways in which we show our support for others, and it does not have to be financial. We can show our support for our significant other by being encouraging and helpful. For example, if your partner is learning to build a website and you are quite skillful in this area, you can show support by offering your assistance. We can also show support by praising our partners for small accomplishments to help boosts their self-esteem.

If your partner is consistently not showing any interest in you other than physical intimacy and having a supportive partner is one of your relationship must haves…and you have had discussions about this issue on several occasions without any signs of improvement on their part…it may be time to say good bye. For an amazing read and a heartfelt experience on when it may be time to walk away go take a look at this blog.

 

Lack of Trust in the Relationship

 

What is a relationship without trust? It does not matter how much feelings of love you have for another person, if either of you cannot trust the other then you might as well throw in the towel and walk away.

There are times when you are going to need your “me” time in order to maintain a healthy relationship. There is nothing more humiliating that having to become a private FBI for your partner or vice versa. Imagine going out with friends and your partner calls you every five minutes to ask you where your where about…or worst still…driving by the place you and your friends are eating just to see what you are up to. Imagine all the things we do when we do not trust someone…searching their phones…stalking them on social media…

Trust broken is very hard to rebuild. If there was not any trust issues in the beginning and the trust eroded because of what one partner may have done, and both of you are unable to get pass the issue and rebuild trust…it is time to walk away.

 

 

Lack of Interest in the Relationship

It takes two to make a relationship work. Sometimes a relationship starts out great and both partners are super excited! However; after a few months in, one or both partners may become distant for whatever reason. When this happens, there is less communication and interaction as one or both partners find other things to occupy their time.

Consider your situation and make a decision
Reflect on your relationship and make a decision

A lack of interest may exist in long term relationships where people become too comfortable. So, instead of working to maintain the spark, they take each other for granted.  Sometimes, we become so caught up with other things that we are not even aware that our relationship is crumbling until it badly in need of repair.

Follow this link to gain another perspective on signs it is time to leave your partner.

 

If you are the one who does not have any interest in continuing the relationship, it will be a good thing if you can communicate this honestly to your partner, rather than leading them on. If you find yourself in the position where you are hurting because your partner no longer shows interest in being with you, you may want to have a talk and communicate your feelings in a non-accusing way. If your partner has no inclination in making the relationship work, then keep your dignity intact and move on.

 

Your Partner is Abusive in the Relationship

There are many forms of abuse including emotional, physical, and financial. Often times, all of these forms, especially the first two are intertwined. If you are being abused by your partner, you may need to seek help from a professional. There are organizations which are specially designed to handle these cases. Seek help before it is too late.

Abuse does not discriminate against gender or age. While women are often the one being abused, there are cases of women abusing men. I personally do not believe anyone should stay in a relationship where they are being abused. In order to prevent an escalating situation, it is even more critical that you seek help if physical abuse is present.

At the end of it all, it is not always easy to walk away. But, always choose your happiness and well-being over a relationship that is going nowhere. We all deserve to be loved and appreciated in our relationships. There is never a time when abuse is okay. Realize that not everyone who enters our lives is meant to stay. Take the lessons you learn and move on. There is nothing more great than finding peace

Have you ever found yourself in an abusive relationship? Or know of someone who has endured some form of abuse. Share your insights in the comment box below.

 

 

Are You Tired of Doing Good?

Are You Tired of Doing Good?

At some point in our lives, we all get tired: especially if we habitually do things that do not seem rewarding. One such thing we get tired of is being kind, doing good and helping others. Today, I want to challenge anyone out there who has a good heart not to change because you’re not getting the recognition you think you deserve. In this post I remind you of three reasons why you should continue to do good things.

 

1. The Good You Do Comes Back To You

If you are tired of doing good here is one more thing to consider before you throw in the towel. When you help others, you always receive your reward in some way. Sometimes, things may appear as if they are going downhill; however, once you are a person that renders kindness to others, life has a way of sending people to support you. When you really need the support and do not know where the help you need may come from, the right people cross your path.  For example, for years, while I was working I was good to so many people. When things became tough for me, people I did not know while I was in my good times stepped in to offer their assistance. Here are some ideas for being kind to others.

Yes, the people you help may not always be the ones to help you back, because often times they are in no position to do so. In addition, sometimes, they are so used to taking that they turn their back on you when bad times fall on you. Nevertheless, do not lose heart because of these people…just keep sowing good seeds in different places.

 

2. You Also Benefit When You Do Good To Others

Are you feeling discouraged, because no one seems to appreciate your goodness? If so, I urge you to consider this: being kind is not just about the other person. When you help someone, the feeling of joy and satisfaction you experience is enough compensation. I could remember during my trials when I changed my perspective. Instead of being grumpy and taking out my frustrations on others, I made a commitment to be kind. To treat others the way I yearned to be treated. At first, this new behavior was challenging. I was so accustomed to retaliating that it took sometime before I could change this habit of rendering evil for evil.

When people hurt us, we can be tempted to put the blame on others, because we may not be in a position to respond in kind to those who hurt us. Always remember that how you feel is no excuse for how you treat others, even when they wrong you. Instead of retaliating, hold your peace and keep helping those who appreciate. I always believe that the reward for helping others do not come from man, it comes from the Almighty God.

3. Doing Good Is The Right Thing To Do

Being kind, doing good, helping others are the right things to do. At the end of the day, one of your goals should be to live in a peaceful environment, and this can only be possible by being kind to one another.

Do not dwell on what you have done for someone in the past: whether or not the person to whom you were kind does not show appreciation. How would you feel if you were unkind to someone? Would it worry you, or would you rest peaceful despite your actions? Your answer to that should be a guide to your actions.

Please share your views of being kind or good to others. I’d love to hear of any experiences you had with being kind to others.

Three Mistakes To Avoid During Times Of Adversity

 Three Mistakes To Avoid During Times Of Adversity

 

How do you deal with stress, challenges, or adversity?  There is no way we would and could go through life without experiencing adversity. So what do we do? Do we run each time we encounter a difficulty?  Alternatively, do we find a way to cope and to do so positively? Whether the source of our stress results from a relationship, work, social, or environmental issue, life is going to throw us challenges.

Five Things To Consider When Facing Life’s Challenges

Some of the challenges we encounter would be small, whereas some would be of a nature that threaten to overwhelm us and sap the energy out of us. When adversity comes knocking, we need to hold on to a few beliefs that will help sustain us through the process. In this post, I discuss some of the mistakes that people make when experiencing adversity. If you do not feel like reading you can always listen to the video  below for some valuable tips on dealing with adversity.

 

  1. Trying to Control The Issue

I think by now every adult, with soundness of mind, know that we are not always able to control what happens to us. Sometimes we create our own storms, and sometimes, things happen when someone outside of us failed to take responsibility.

Regardless of the cause of your situation, there is no point trying to control a situation that has gone beyond your control. You will find that the more you fight with the problem is the more pain it causes.

When things are not the way you want, you should be able to decide if it is worth fighting for, holding on, or letting go. I say, if you have done all in your power and the situation has not changed for the better, it is time to try something new. Sometimes, the something new is taking time to reflect, giving the problem a break, or seeking an alternative where possible.

Here’s a beautiful ariticle that suggests ways in whcih you can overcome adversities.

If you cannot change your environment, you can change the way you view adversity. In addition, as you change the way you look at adversity, you will find new ways of dealing with your situation.

 

  1. Looking at Your Life Based on Your Current Circumstances

Yeah, I know everything seem hopeless right now. You are looking at your circumstances and there seems to be no end in sight. You may have been in the situation for months or even years and nothing seemed to have changed.

Think of your situation as a cloudy sky. Imagine that you woke up one morning to find it was raining and the sky covered with clouds. Nevertheless, as you go through the day, the rain stops and the cloud passes to reveal a beautiful blue sky… this is how life is. This is how your circumstances operate. If you keep the faith long enough and do what you know in our heart to be right, you will make it through whatever adversity you are facing. Moreover, you will grow through your situation.

Is there something in your life that is causing you discomfort? Is there something in your life you know you need to change? Do not wait for things to magically change, instead create a vision of what you want your life to be like and work towards that vision. Always remember, you are more than your circumstances and once you change your mindset, your circumstances will change.

  1. Letting Your Circumstances Dictate How You Treat Others

Sometimes, if we are not careful, periods of adversity can cause us to become bitter. However, you must always be cognizant that there is no room for bitterness if you want a fulfilling life. Besides, bitterness  only adds to your already challenging situation, if you let those feelings consume you.

I have found that whenever I am facing adversity it brings me more peace when I extend a helping hand to someone less fortunate. Always remember, that there are people who are in situations far worse. Today I challenge you to keep your heart soft and in a good place. Practice helping others through your pain. When you focus on helping others, you have less time to dwell on your circumstances. In addition, there is much joy to be experienced from making someone else’s day than sitting at home in the victim mode.

Please share this video to help inspire someone.

Eight Reasons Why I Love My Mother

Eight Reasons Why I Love My Mother

 

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers across the globe! As a tribute to all the mothers around the world, I decided to write this blog. As I reflect on what it means to be a mother I think of my mother. Sometimes, it is easy to see the faults our mothers, but today, I choose to look at the positive things about my mother. and the reasons why I love her.

My mom had a difficult life. She has made mistakes like many of us. She allowed life to control her instead of analyzing her situation and coming up with a plan for her life.

Today, I take a step even further, so that I can understand why my mother’s life may have turned out the way it did. I recalled my mother telling me that her mother had her when she was very young, about fifteen or sixteen years old. Her mother went to England leaving her behind with her great grandmother who raised her. My mother became a mother at the age of sixteen or so. She did not finish her senior years in school because of her pregnancy.

As I reflect on how these circumstances must have influenced my mother’s choices, I did not spend some of my teen years with my mother, but I really cannot hold any grudge against her. Why? Because she may have had her faults, but she did the best she could. I believe that a child’s earliest memories are some of the most crucial. These memories have the ability to negatively or positively impact a child’s later years in life. And so, today, I will give you some of the main things my mother did in my childhood years that has helped shaped me in to the woman I am today. I hope that if you are having conflict with your mother because of the choices she has made, that you will consider for a moment, the things she did positively.

 

  1. My Mother Worked Hard.

She always tried to make sure that we had food to eat. Sometimes, she took us to the mountain with her. I recall many times when I sat in the shade of coconut and banana trees while my mother worked in the field. When I was old enough, I helped her and she always told me thanks for doing so. And so, no matter how I did not like going to the mountain, just the thought of my mother struggling alone made me give in.

Have your pick of quotes for your mom by clicking this link.

 

  1. She Instilled These Basic Principles In Us

Do not tell lies, she expected us to tell the truth at all times.  Do not idle, whenever she sent us to do something or we went to school, she expected us to return promptly. She told us never to beg others, to be satisfied with what we had. Do not be greedy, share with others. Even if you do not have, no one needs to know your business.

 

  1. She Sent Us To Church So That We Could Know God.

My mother was not a regular church goer, but she wanted us to hear the word of God. In those days the only other means we had of hearing God’s word was via radio.  Hearing the word of God helped me to keep my faith grounded in Him. Whenever troubles came my way, I knew where to turn. Some say that people only know God when they are in trouble, but what would you have someone do when they are in crisis? Would you prefer them to continue down the path of destruction, or seek solace in the word of God? How could I forget? My mother made sure that we said our prayers every morning and every night. And if we forgot she would remind us. It did not matter if we were already dozing off to sleep, we had to say our prayers and we had to say it loud.

 

  1. She Taught Us How To Do Be Independent.

At an early age we had to do house hold task including, sowing, cooking, washing, cleaning, and ironing. Today, I always made it my duty to do those things for myself. Even when I employed a sitter for my daughter, I never included doing laundry/washing, cleaning or ironing in her duties.

 

Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled; they are the ones that never give up, dispet the struggles~Sharon Jaynes

  1. I Saw My Mother As My Friend.

Some will argue that my mother should not have confided things in me at such a young age. But, looking back, I think this is one of the best things she has ever done. Not only did she helped me decide what I did not want my life to turn out like, but also, she helped me understand her better. My mother had a hard time showing love. I cannot recall her ever hugging or kissing me. But, from our conversations, I knew that she loved us. She just did not know how to express that love.

As I listened to my mother talked about her worries, I made mental notes that when I grew up I was going to help her. The only thing that helped keep me determined in my life was that I was never going to go through what my mother went through. I guess it is because of my mother confiding her troubles in me that has helped me develop compassion for others when they are facing difficulties.

Some folks argue that a mother is not supposed to be a child’s friend, but, it depends on the context  in which we look at things. My mother’s friendship did not include the adult things in her life. I was never allowed to get involve in adult conversation or things which did not concern children. My mother knew where to draw the line.

  1. She Was Very Protective Of All Her Children.

My mother never allowed anyone to take advantage of us. She made sure to tell us never to interfere with others. But, she expected us to stand up for our right. She rebuked us when we were wrong and she defended us when we were right.

 

  1. My Mother Was  Good With Handling Money

She took her time to save and bought us the things we needed.  Every Christmas, she bought a present for us. She never wanted us to feel deprived when other children were playing with their toys so she made sure that she bought us something. It did not matter the cost of what she bought, the thought counted the most!

 

  1. Our Education Was Important.

Despite the fact that my mother did not always have money, she always found a way to send us to school. She helped us with our homework, when we did not understand and would force us to study.

She made sure that our clothes were ironed and our hair was groomed. And, it did not matter how cold the water was, we had to bathe and brush our teeth.

When I consider all the things that my mother may not have done right,  those things paled in comparison to what she did right. She did the best she could based on her circumstances and today, I can proudly say that I Love You Mom. You are the reasons why I am what I am today.

Why Seeking Revenge Is Not A Good Idea

 

 Why Seeking Revenge Is Not A Good Idea

At some point in our life, someone is going to hurt us. Sometimes, this hurt may not be of a physical nature, it might be mental or emotional pain. Nevertheless, hurt is hurt, regardless to the form in which it comes. Whenever someone hurt us, we have a natural tendency to want to seek revenge. This is especially so for someone who has experienced mental or emotional pain at the hands of another person. For example, let us say you are in a relationship and your partner cheats on you, instead of walking away or perhaps trying to salvage the relationship you decide to get even. However, this does not have to be if you look at the long-term effects of seeking revenge. I urge you to consider these three things before going down the path of seeking revenge.

 

Seeking Revenge Holds You Back

A person intent on seeking revenge has little room for self-growth. The time you should spend doing something productive you waste it by thinking up what you want to do to the other person.  You go to bed at nights, wake up in the mornings and all you can think about is how you can get back that person for what they have done to you. As a result, you never seem to move forward as you are stuck in a constant emotional or even physical battle with the other person.

Think about it… do you think it really benefits you to be wasting so much time on something that does not add value to your life? Is it worth it to keep fighting?

Seeking Revenge Prevents You From Healing

Sometimes we see people who constantly battle and we wonder why they do so, even when neither seems to get any positive results. For example, it is common to see people seeking revenge in a relationship that has ended or is on the verge of ending. One partner does something wrong and the other constantly seek ways of retaliating in order to get even.

 

A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green” Francis Bacon 

 

If you engage in constant battle with the person who wronged you, you will never heal. Instead of seeking revenge, take the time to reflect on the mistakes you have made; figure out the lessons, and how you can take what you learned to improve yourself. Do not waste time obsessing over how you can hurt the other person. In your quest to get even with the other person, you will keep your emotional wounds open.

 

There Is A Chance That You Might Get Hurt

When someone does you something wrong, that person is likely to be on the alert because he or she expects you to seek revenge. Because the person is expecting you to retaliate, he/she will be ready for whatever you are planning.

Beware, not everyone responds the same to an act of revenge. Some people may strike back, even if they did you wrong in the first instance. Thus, plotting revenge actually increases the likelihood that you will get hurt physically.

 

Final Word: learn to let go Instead of seeking to hurt the other person

Seeking revenge does not have any advantages. Even if you think there is an advantage, the consequences of revenge far exceed any advantage that there might be. The biggest problem in personal retaliation is that you not only hurt the other person, but you can also hurt yourself by exposing yourself to danger, if the other person decides to respond. You can deal with a situation in which you felt you the other person treated you unfairly by letting it go and moving on. I know this will hurt, but I can guarantee you that it would be better hurting now, for a short period, than to continually live in conflict with another person. Here is an article, Why We Should Leave Revenge To Karma, that has some helpful insights on seeking revenge and the consequences of doing so; click this link to follow.

 

How to Find Yourself and Step Up to the Next Level

How to Find Yourself and Step Up to the Next Level

If you are trying to find yourself, there is no specific road map on how to do so. However, my hope is for you to find this post helpful in helping you gain perspective in your situation. In life, we all have to deal with situations and make decisions, based on what we hope to gain from these encounters. Each day, we have to consider  what is working for us and what needs to be changed.

Many of us get lost in the things around us. Often times, we are lost and we are not even aware that we are. We keep fighting the symptoms of stress, created by issues from our jobs, our material possessions, and our relationships. Instead of searching within, treating the root cause, we point fingers and blame others for the issues in our lives.

Defining Moments: When Life Throws You a Rock

What rocks has life thrown at you? Have you lost a loved one? Have you experienced a painful separation from someone you had a relationship? Have you lost your job? Whatever it is, I hope that these happenings caused you to reflect on the meaning of challenges in your life. I hope that upon reading this it will help you to view life challenges in a different light on the road to find yourself.

When I was younger, I viewed every challenge as obstacles sent to prevent me from getting out of poverty. Each time I encountered a challenge, I thought to myself “I really do not have any luck in life.” This attitude went on for years.

Fast forward to today, I realized that challenges are not here to stop me, but to help steer me on the right path in life. For a time, things will go smooth and then all of a sudden, life will throw me a rock that shakes me out of my comfort zone. I call these moments of chaos and uncertainty, defining moments.

 

What are Your Specific Defining Moments?

In order to help you relate and find your defining moments, I take my experiences as an example. I hope that by reading this, something will resonate with you and help you decide exactly where you need to focus in order to find yourself.

I do not think anyone was happier than I was to wave goodbye to 2016! Three consecutive years of challenging after challenging situations, anyone would need a break! In 2014, the end of my master’s degree, I made a decision to return home to do my internship. I was working in another country and the suggestion was for me to do my internship there; however, I had already made up my mind that the best option was to go home. This decision, I believe, cost me my job; to which I have no regrets, because it was a defining moment for me. I was faced with two choices and I chose the one that was best for me.

 

After one problem was another… I had my issues with finding somewhere comfortable and within my budget range to live. This caused me to move about three or four times, before finding somewhere that was both comfortable and within my budget. Again, I had decisions to make.

 

While all of this drama was going on, I was struggling in my relationships. I had issues, as I mentioned in the blog post I wrote Being Single: What is the Alternative? Of course, I blamed everyone else but myself. That is, before I came to the realization that I was not working. I was not functioning the way I ought to be. I was letting my situations control me instead of controlling them. Again, another defining moment for me to choose whether I continue along this destructive pattern or change.

 

 “Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere; and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.” ~~ Unknown

 

Find Yourself: Stepping up on a New Level

When we encounter defining moments, they force us to make decisions. How well we move on depends, largely, on our perceptions. After all, we make decisions based on how we see things and what we deem best for ourselves.

At this point, I want you to look at your situation for what it is and not what you want it to be. Instead of blaming the other person or the situations in your life, think about how you can change your circumstances.  In order to help you understand how to make those decisions that will help you find yourself, I will relate to what I did to help change my situation. Check out tips on finding yourself at  Huffingtonpost.com

Of all the challenges I faced, the major one was my relationship issues. I knew if I could find a way to live without stressing too much about love and relationships, my life would be more meaningful and less dramatic.

 

  1. Finding myself through a change of perception: In 2016 April, this website: Cupidandi.com was born; this was a result of me sitting down and reflecting on my life. I reflected on the role I played in my dysfunctional relationships. It is amazing what a little soul searching can reveal. I decided that instead of obsessing over what was not working in my relationships, I would start focusing my energy on something outside of myself. The root cause of my issue was that I looked to others to define my happiness and the way I felt about myself. Check out these interesting tips I found on how to find yourself.

 

  1. Finding yourself through attending other areas of your life; In order to help focus on my own life, I started to pay more attention to my spiritual life and how it related to my physical world. Instead of waking up and feeling like “awe another day again,” I woke up feeling expectant and expressing gratitude for what was good in my life. There were days when I relapsed and felt all sorry for myself, but with constant practice, we can acquire positive habits.

 

  1. Finding yourself is an evolving phenomenon; when I started cupidandi.com, I really intended for it to be a sight about love and relationships. Then, I realized that things were not going as well in my relationships for me to advise anyone on the subject. I simply did not know enough to write about love. Moreover, I realized that a better plan would be to write about my experiences and help others who are going through similar situations. Here I am today, the road is not smooth, but one thing I know is that I have found a purpose. I have found myself and I am always evolving.

Today, I urge you to take the steps to finding yourself. Do not stay in the victim mode. Look at your situation from different perspectives and try to see how you can make positive changes in your life. You have a purpose to fulfill in this life, but you cannot fulfill your purpose unless you step up to the next level and find yourself.

 

Being Single: What is the Alternative?

 

Being Single: What is the Alternative?

 

When I was growing up, I envisioned myself married by the age of 25. I imagined a handsome dude on a horse and all the fairy tale trappings in the mix. Nevertheless, looking back to that time, I realized that the romance books I read in my teen years fooled me. A relationship does not just happen; it takes hard work and commitment from both partners. In addition, even if you love a person, it does not automatically mean that the person will love you back. Today, I am single and like other single people (men and women) I question the alternative to being single.

Being Single: A Single Woman’s Perspective

By the time I hit twenty years of age, I realized that I was living a dream, thinking some prince charming was going

Being single is not a crime
A single person can have an enjoyable life, too

to sweep me off my feet. At first, I felt jealous when I saw couples walking the streets and displaying their affection for each other. I imagined that their life was all happiness and did not even imagine what took place behind closed doors: at least, not until I experienced being in a relationship myself.

I slowly became aware that being in a relationship was not a bed of roses. My personal experiences with being in a relationship were both good and bad. Those times when we did fun things and simply enjoyed each other’s company, even if it was just simply hanging out at home, meant a lot to me. However, the arguments, the jealousy, and having to deal with feelings of insecurity were my reasons for deciding to stay single.

By the time I hit 32 years of age, folks were asking me why I was not married. It occurred to me that they thought something was wrong with me. Heck! They were right! I had issues! After experiencing abandonment as a child and witnessing so many broken relationships, I had this fear that mine would not work out, so I always ended up doing things to mess up my own relationships. It was not that I was intentionally messing up, it was a subconscious action on my path: a destructive pattern that only came to my realization recently.

 

 

Marriages: Looking in from the Outside as a Single Woman

As a single woman, I look at other couples to see how they are faring in their marriages. Each time I see a happy couple, I wonder if they are as happy behind closed doors. I look at the few successful marriages of people who I know personally. I look on TV and I watch some of my favorite stars such as Denzel Washington and Boris Kodjoe and their wives; they seem to be in healthy marriages that can withstand the test of time. This gives me hope.

On the other hand, there are more unsuccessful marriages out there: some studies have read  have pointed to this evidence. So many people I looked up to and admired as a couple have gotten divorced or their marriages are on the rocks. This latter phenomenon is what makes me happy to be single. So many marriages fail, some as short as hours! This really makes me shake my head and think twice about wanting to get married. Check out these other blogs on why being single might be the best way to live.

What is the Alternative to Being Single

Hmm. I know not everyone has the same views about any one particular relationship status. For me, I personally love the idea of being in a long-term relationship. I believe in marriage, but only if both partners are truly aware and ready to make things work, despite the challenges which may ensue.

Marriage is good for building strong families. We need healthy marriages in order to nurture our children and set a positive example for them. I believe that if our children live in healthy environments, their chances of emulating what they have learned will be higher.

As a single mother of two, I try my best to teach my children that although I am not married, that getting married and being in a healthy marriage is what I would have chosen for them. I know sometimes, it may be easy for us to get bitter because things did not work out for us, but it is not fair for us to allow our children to see just one side of our story. We still need to take the responsibility of teaching them the alternative to the choices that we made so they can make better decisions when they grow up.

I believe that people, both male and female, should take their time and enjoy their life while building healthy relationships. It seems as if many of us want to get married for the wrong reasons and perhaps, this is the reason why so many marriages fail. Some people feel lonely and always need someone in their lives so they are always changing relationships. Instead, of following this pattern, I prefer to be single and work on the issues I mentioned above. I want to be in a relationship, but not for the money or for the fear of being alone. When I decide to get married, it would be because I am in love with that person and the person feels the same way.

Therefore, the alternative for me is enjoying my life as a single woman until such time that I find the right person who genuinely wants to be with me. Moreover, for those who have the belief that being single means being lonely or that the person has a fault, think again. Some people are single because they refuse to settle.

Any single or married person, male or female, who wants to share their perspective on this issue are welcome to do so by sharing in the comment’s section below. Thanks for stopping by!