Coping With Anxiety In A Long- Distance Relationship
Many people, especially women, become anxious or worried when in a long-distance relationship. The extent to how much a person worries can vary depending on the level of investment by each partner. For example, if you are the one doing all the investing in your time and the other person is not as invested this can leave you feeling insecure which can result if the person had previous painful relationships. Regardless to the circumstances, you will wonder where you stand with the other person, especially after the initial phases of the relationship where both of you would have been in frequent contact. Below, I give you some strategies to use when anxiety is threatening to engulf you.
Refocus Your Thinking
If it is not a case of you feeling more invested in the relationship than the other person, then it may be healthy to focus your energy somewhere else when anxiety sets in. While frequent communication is important, it is still important to give your partner some space so he/she can get their daily duties done. Rather than sit around all day waiting for a call or message, start filling your day with activities you enjoy doing. Go out and meet friends, take up a new hobby, take a vacation. Just act!
To cope with anxiety, if getting out of the house is not your thing, then make it a habit to listen to uplifting music, speeches, sermons, or watch a movie in your spare time or even when doing work around the house. While at work, focus on your work and put all of your energy into what you do. All of these things will help occupy your time and help sustain you both in the difficult and easy moments.
Learn to Let Go of Anxiety
It is important to realize that even your worry would not change how he feels about you. Everything in life take some level of risk and in love, there are no guarantees. You might worry about whether your partner’s feelings will change but worrying about something that is not happening will spoil your chances of being happy. Instead, the best thing to do is to stop worrying and just live in the moment.
Try not to obsess over the relationship. Work on your tendency to try and control things by simply being and letting those feelings of anxiety go. Live in the moment and try not to look too far in the future. If need be, ask your partner how he/she feels.
Pray/Regain Spiritual Balance
The most important strategy I found helpful when experiencing anxiety is prayer and meditation. As the saying goes, “Why worry, when you can pray?” Whenever I feel as if I am going out of control I do a number of things including prayer, reading the bible, listening to goapel music, listening to sermons (my favorite being Bisop Noel Jones), or something positive. After a short while of this my anxiety lessens and I am able to get back on tract. I try to make all these habits a regular part of my life so that I do not feel off-balance on a regular basis.
Also, remember, you can always move to point number three…
Observe How Consistent He/She Is
Even from a distance, you can still observe his/her actions. Does this person communicate frequently with you? What is the quality of the communication? Does the person make plans with you for the future? Do they include you in their plans? Do they share their daily experiences with you? Do the person’s actions and their words match?
Based on the length of time you have known each other you will be able to tell if the relationship has progressed. You will also be able to tell if the person is interested in you. During moments of anxiety, always remember that no matter what he/she says, actions speak louder than words. A person’s level of caring is what will inspire them to act and as long as they care it would be reflected in consistent actions and not mere words.
Express Your Feelings
Do not pretend all is well when it is not. Find your voice and speak up when needed. If your partner does something that hurt your feelings, speak up about it instead of keeping your feelings bottled in side. If you feel as if enough quality time is not being spent between the two of you, speak up. While there are things you can let slide, do not let the important things slide. If it is going to keep you up at night and make you sad or even angry, express your feelings.
When you speak up you need to do so in a respectful manner and using the phrase “I feel” rather than “you did or did not do this” method of communication. This will help you to get your feelings across respectfully and at the same time give him/her room to explain instead of becoming defensive and shutting down. At the end of the day, your aim should be to improve the relationship and not cause tension: it is already difficult being long distance, so as much as possible try to resolve issues effectively through proper communication.
While it may be helpful to talk to a friend, it is always best to express your feelings to the person in the relationship as he/she is the only one who can help you clarify the issue. Nevertheless, it is always helpful to talk to someone when anxiety sets in rather than allowing yourslef to suffer. Just make sure than when you do, you find someone who is objective and who will listen rather than give unproductive advice.
When you have been hurt in previous relationship it is easy for you to experience feelings of anxiety, especially if the relationship is new. There will be times when you feel as if you are truly inlove and your partner loves you and other times when you start doubting yourself. In the moments when you feel doubtful you may tell yourself that it is better to call it quits before you get in too deep. these feelings arise because you are afraid of being hurt and you feel the need to protect yourself.
When feelings of anxiety arises in you, do not entertain these thoughts. Instead, refocus and do something positive. Do not entertain the negative thoughts or you will give significance to what you are feeling and as a result it may cause you to become overwhelmed.
Unless you are certain that the person does not want to be with you, try as much as possible not to think negatively. Instead, focus of the positive things in your life and relationship.
Walking away is the last resort when coping with anxiety. If there are issues to be worked out it is important that you and your partner do so. It may be helpful to start planning the next time when you can see each other or even how long it would be before you finally live together.
While long-distance is ideal for some couples, not everyone copes with the distance. Ultimately, if the relationship is putting tremendous mental/ psychological strain on you or your partner and both of you cannot resolve the issues it might be best to consider walking away. There is no point staying in a relationship in which you are constantly plaqued by anxiety. While no relationship is without problems, you should not be experiencing anxiety the majority of times. Ask your
Many relationships start out great but sometimes a few months in one partner might realize that he/she is no longer interested. While it would be nice to hear him/her admit that he/she is no longer interested, this is sometimes not the case. Men especially tend to show they do not care by avoiding you instead of being open and honest about their feelings. If you feel this is the case and your partner is not willing to admit, just do yourself a favor and walk away without even an explanation. If the other person were interested, in the first place he/she will not allow you to walk away.