What is it that is killing you? Are you holding on to something, a situation, or someone that you know you need to let go of, but find it painful to do so? Sometimes, we find ourselves holding on to the very thing, which is killing us. Any thought of letting go brings us extreme fear and pain. If you are in any situation today of which you need to find relief, I am here to tell you that you have what it takes to let go. Below, I share with you, how to develop the art of letting go of anger, toxic people, and toxic feelings. I hope that in sharing my experiences I may inspire someone who is in a similar situation. Letting go is never easy, but so too is holding on to something that has the potential to destroy your life. Listen to Bishop Noel Jones in his sermon Too Full To Quit; this is packed with inspiration for anyone going through a difficult phase in their life.
Letting Go of Anger: Turned Inward or Outward
Whether you are angry at someone else or yourself, anger is like a disease; the more you think of the situation which caused you to become angry is the more the feelings of anger consume you. Sometimes our anger is justified; however, if we keep dwelling on these feelings it consumes us to the point where we may lash out at others or become self-destructive.
I remember some years ago, I had helped someone who was in a difficult situation. However, the person did something which caused me to become distrustful. Eventually, an argument ensued; at first, I was angry at the person, however, as time went by, my angry feelings turned inward. I could not forgive myself. I kept saying to myself, what was I thinking when I decided to forsake my needs just to help this person only to have the person turned on me? This anger was so intense that I cursed myself on a regular basis. I also found every opportunity to talk to a friend about it. I was so angry at myself it took me more than a year to forgive myself. One day, I stopped and thought about the situation. I consoled myself and finally I decided to let go. I told myself it was not worth it. I could not have known things will play out the way they did. I did what I did from the goodness of my heart, and even though the other person betrayed me, it was not my fault. To help you gain more insight, in to dealing with anger, you can take a read of How to Deal With Crisis: A spiritual Perspective.
Regardless of your situation is, do not let anger consume you. Even if the situation is difficult or painful, find healthy ways of dealing with anger; reach out to a trusted friend, meditate, pray about it, and let it go. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, and it is okay. What we need to do is take away the lesson we learned and see how we can avoid making a similar mistake.
Letting Go of Toxic People
One of the most difficult things to do is to let go of toxic people. Are you in a situation where there are people in your life who do not add value but subtract from it? Being with the person (s) is like a game of cards. Picture a game of Pokeno (some of us call it Pokena in St. Vincent) in which you lose most of the times, with an occasional win. And so, you tell yourself that since you’ve won before and have come close to winning so many times, it is worth playing another game. You keep playing and hoping to win, but instead you get all expectant only to be disappointed when someone else calls “Pokeno.”
Toxic people play with your emotions; one minute they are very nice, the next minute they treat you bad. Most of your experience with them is negative. But, instead of letting go, you hold on to the thoughts of when things are or were really good.
In order to let go of toxic people, you must value yourself and know that you are worthy. Like the game of Pokeno, you must recognize that all you will ever get are appetizers. The toxic person will find ways to entice you, but they will never get to the main meal where you really get to delve down in to all that they have to offer. In other words, you will never receive the love and affection you so craved from them, because they will never allow you to get that close. Just when you think things are going fine, they will pull the rug from beneath your feet. The cycle will repeat itself, and you will be left out in the cold; hurt, battered, bruised, and a hole in your heart.
The best way, I have found, to deal with people who are toxic is to cut them out of my life. I do not attempt to be their friends; to do so usually backfire. Toxic people know how to bring on the charm. It does not matter how strong you feel you are; they will keep coming until you give in. Do not try to entertain their antics, see their behavior for what it is and Let them go. It will be hard, but it is worth the pain to let them go now so you will not hurt later.
Letting Go of Toxic Feelings
Have you ever been in love with someone and you craved being with them, but they found every excuse why they could not find time to be with you?I remember some time ago, I was dating this guy. Things had not gone intimate as yet, but we had feelings for each other, or so I thought at the time. However, it seemed like the person was always busy. At first, I tried to reach out and initiated communication, because I thought he was too busy to do so; I would send a text or a video occasionally and he would respond when he had the chance. After a while, I found this tiring. I told myself that even if I was busy, I would make time for the person I am dating. So, why couldn’t he do the same? I brought up the subject with him and he promised to do better. However, after a short while things fell back into the same pattern. I cannot tell you how hurt I was, but I was sane enough to realize that it was time to let go.
As much as we had discussed a future together, I had to let go of that dream. Here are 5 Reasons to Walk Away From A Relationship. I told myself that dwelling on what good he did in the past was not going to help my cause. I forced myself to look at what was happening in the relationship at the current time; this helped me to make a decision. I decided that if he was too busy I was going to make myself just as busy too. So, instead of texting him, I found other things to do. When he texted, I responded politely. I allowed him to set the pace: If he never called or texted I did not reach out to him. After a week or two, things became easier for me. I began to concentrate more on my needs and less on what he was or was not doing. I began to forget that he existed, whereas before I thought about him all the time.
Eventually, he was the one complaining about how I was acting cold. I was not cold, I was just myself. What he did not realize at the time is that I was losing interest in him; he had doused the emotions I had for him, without even realizing it. Eventually, I ended things. I did not curse, I did not fight, I just let go. I just let my feelings go gradually until I was no longer attached to the outcome.
This experience has made me realize we have more power than we know. If we could just think about our present situation as is, without holding on to how good it was in the past, or how good it could be in the future, we will find it easier to see things as is and let go. Ladies, gentlemen, if you are in a situation where you are the only one fighting to keep things flowing, it is not going to work. If you are in a relationship with someone, or is seriously dating someone and they tell you they are too busy, it means that they are not interested in spending time with you. Ask yourself this, “When I am interested in another person, how do I behave?”
Granted, they may have valid reasons for being busy, however, if they genuinely care, they will find a way to make things work. From my own experience, I have found that people take you for granted when you are always around. There you are, sending cute messages, flowers, and other gifts (men or women) and the other person is not even taking the time to appreciate what you have done. When you are already out the door, is the time they usually realize what a great person you were. Take heart though, when ever something like this happens to you it does not mean that you are not worthy. It only means that they were blind and did not see what was right in front of their eyes…until it was too late…